Page 64 of Crashing Into You

“Yes!” It comes out like a yell, tears burning the back of my eyes. “I should have known he’d be like that, on to the next girl as soon as he got what he wanted from me. He’d literally just had a fucking threesome the first time I met him!”

“Claire.” Kylie’s voice is quiet, now, and slightly less angry-sounding. “Did Bryce ever tell you anything about his family?”

I shake my head. “Not really. He said he grew up in Melbourne. I guess that’s where he met her.”

Kylie huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, he did meet her there… when she was born.”

Horror starts to bloom in me, cold and heavy. “What?”

“That’s his sister. And the reason he went to Melbourne, and probably didn’t want to say anything about it to you before he left, is that she’s a junkie. She went to rehab and got clean, but he was worried she was using again. That’s why he was back there, why he had to go to Melbourne: he nearly fucking lost her! She OD’d again, and he’s been trying to hold everything together for his mum. He tried to message you, but it didn’t go through. And now you’ve blocked him.”

Shame joins my horror. I feel sick. “I didn’t let him explain,” I whisper. “Oh god. I just thought, I just…” I can’t look at Kylie. “It was… When we… It was my first time. And I thought he wasn’t interested anymore once we did it.”

“Claire.” Kylie’s hand comes to my arm, a gentle touch. “I get it, okay? I’ve known Bryce a long time and I know what he’s like. I know he has a reputation, some of it deserved. But I also know he’s kind and sensitive, and has almost the biggest heart of anyone I’ve met.”

“Oh god.” I sink down into a crouch, my face in my hands. I can’t stand up anymore. “I just thought…” I drop my hands, gazing up at Kylie. She has her hands on her hips, but she looks more sympathetic than pissed, now. “I let someone in before, and he hurt me. Badly. I didn’t want it to happen again.”

“Babe, come on.” She holds out her hand and I take it. She pulls me to my feet and I stagger. “You’re white as a sheet,” she goes on. “Come and have a coffee. On the house.”

“I like him so much.” I clutch at her arm. My throat feels like it’s closing. How could I have done that to him? “He was so good to me, all the time.”

“That’s the Bryce I know,” Kylie says. “Once he gives his heart, it’s forever. And I think he wanted to give it to you, Claire.”

“And I fucking stomped on it.” I start crying, unable to stop.

“You didn’t know.” Kylie puts her arm around me. “That’s what happens, when you fall hard and fast. You’re so busy getting into each other you don’t have time to actually get to know each other. I thought Matt was a drug dealer when we first met. When I found out he was a builder, it was such a relief, because I knew I was in too deep already, that he was the one.”

“Why on earth did you think he was a drug dealer?”

“He had all these little plastic baggies around the place. And seemed cashed up all the time. But the baggies were for all the little screws and nails and doodads he uses, and the cash was because he hates using bank machines.” She giggles.

I don’t laugh with her, only because I feel as though someone just dropped an anvil on me. My heart breaks at the thought of Bryce going through everything with his family alone, thinking I’ve turned my back on him. And I screamed at him, not giving him a chance to explain. I need to call him, now. I pull my phone out of my bag and find his number.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

I ignore Kylie, pressing dial. I get a busy signal. I try again, but it’s the same thing.

Kylie pulls out her phone and calls Bryce’s number. It rings.

Another anvil drops from above. He’s blocked me. And with good reason.

Kylie knows it as well; I can see by her face. She offers me her still-ringing phone. I shake my head, blinded by tears.

“I-I can’t,” I say. “I just… Just look after him, okay?”

And I turn and walk away.

But later, sitting in my house alone, picking at a meal I can’t eat, I decide to give Kylie a call. I ring the coffee shop, because I don’t have her number. She answers the phone.

“Kylie, it’s Claire.”

There’s silence for a moment. “What can I do to help?”

I almost start crying again. “Can you call him? And tell him I’m sorry? Please? It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to come back to me. I just want him to know.”

Another pause. “What are you doing tonight?”

“I’m going to the Inlet. With a couple of friends.” I finally confessed everything to Joss and Sal. They were devastated for me. They’ve insisted I go to the pub with them, in an effort to cheer me up. I’d rather stay home under a blanket. But life, I’ve learned, moves forward, whether you want it to or not. I need to try, at least, to get over this.