Page 58 of Crashing Into You

I can’t stop crying. I curl myself in a ball in the centre of my bed, among sheets that still hold a faint scent of him, and sob out my heartbreak until I fall asleep.

Bryce

Mum and I get back from the hospital the next afternoon. I’m half-dead with exhaustion, but the sun is bright, green leaves in all the parks, a beautiful day. It feels like a new beginning, somehow. I make sure Mum is okay, that she’s in bed and asleep before I do the same myself. I want to call Claire, but I’m too knackered to do anything except crawl between the sheets and nod off. When I wake the next morning, the first thing I do is check my phone. It’s strange that I haven’t heard from her.

I realise, as I scroll through the screen, that she tried to call me last night, twice. I check voicemail but there are no messages. That’s really weird. Worry spikes in my stomach. What if she’s in trouble and was trying to get hold of me? What if that dickhead Simon got to her somehow? I feel sick at the thought of her in his clutches. I dial her number, but it comes up as busy, the call cutting off. The worry spikes get larger. I try again. Same thing.

My feelings haven’t changed since I left her. If anything, they’ve got more intense. I’m desperate to see her again. I wonder if there’s any other way I can check where she is. I dial again but still get the busy tone. If I could, I’d drive down the coast right now. But I can’t leave until I know that everything is all right with Millie.

My sister was awake when we left the hospital. The shame in her eyes almost broke me. She burst into tears when she saw me, shaking in my arms as I hugged her, crying myself. Mum was there too, the three of us a mess.

“None of it matters,” I said to her, before she could start making excuses. “You got clean before. You can do it again. The only thing that matters is that you’re still here with us.”

“I know I shouldn’t have let him back in,” she said, her voice cracking. “I just… I felt sorry for him. And he swore things would be different. And then I just… I felt so ashamed each time I did it. I didn’t want to go back there. And then last night… he injected me, and then I was sinking. And I couldn’t stop.” Her voice cracked.

I felt cross with Mum again; things must have been getting bad for a while. But then I realised I was actually angry with myself. I should have come to visit more often, instead of disappearing for months on end.

And now, sitting up in bed, running my hand through the tangle of my hair, I realise that there’s more than just one reason to come back more often now. Sure, Millie and Mum mean the world to me, but now there’s Claire. I pull up my messages, wondering if she’s texted me.

And I go cold.

The message I typed yesterday, telling her I couldn’t meet her like I promised, is still sitting there. Unsent.

I must have been so distracted at the hospital that I didn’t press send.

Claire, therefore, must have thought I’d stood her up.

Fuck.

I hastily delete the message, then type another, explaining what happened, and press send.

It doesn’t go through.

Has she fucking blocked me?

I stare at my phone for a moment, unable to believe it. Maybe it isn’t Claire who’s doing this; maybe Simon has got hold of her and is controlling her phone, somehow. I should never have left her alone, not after she told him we were having sex. I feel so fucking torn, between what I need to do here and my need to be there for her.

I blow out a breath and give Matt a call. It’s early, but I know he’ll be up. I need to let him know what’s going on with Millie, anyway, but I also need him to check on Claire, on the off chance she’s actually in trouble.

“What’s going on, mate?” The cheery sound of Matt’s voice lifts my spirits, but only slightly.

“Mate, it’s fucked,” I say. “Millie overdosed.”

“Fuck.” The cheerful note slides away. “She all right?”

“She is now. We got there just in time.”

“You and…”

“Me and mum. I came up the day before yesterday.”

“Fuck. I’m so sorry, man. Is there anything I can do?”

“There is, but not for Millie. We’re going to get her back into rehab, if we can. So I’ll be here for a week or so at least, I reckon.”

“And here I was thinking you were holed up in bed with Claire.” Matt’s tone is teasing, but strain threads through it.

“I was, when Mum texted me. She’s the real deal, I think.” My voice cracks.