Page 51 of Crashing Into You

I pause, unsure how to sign it. “Love” feels both too much and like a throwaway sign-off. In the end I just sign my name, with a heart next to it. It doesn’t feel like enough to encompass how I feel, but it’s all I can do.

Then I call Mum. “I’m coming now,” I say, when she answers. “I’ll see you soon.”

The drive back to Melbourne takes about two hours. I spend most of it thinking about Claire. Her soft skin, how she smelled and tasted, the way she felt against me. But also how she makes me feel. And that’s a lot more complicated. I’m also concerned about Millie. If she’s gone back to her ex, it could mean a lot worse than just being in a bad relationship. Worry drags at me, and I speed up as though I can outpace it. It’s dark by the time I pull up in front of Mum’s little cottage in Richmond.

“Oh, Brycie.” She pulls me into a hug as soon as she opens the front door, and I smell her perfume and a faint tang of antiseptic as I step into the familiar warmth of home.

I think again of Claire, alone in her big house, yet protected by what her parents did for her before they died. And then of Matt and Kylie, building their own family. For the first time my nomadic existence feels a bit lonely and empty. I’m not going to give up surfing or anything; it’s in my blood, and I love what I do. But maybe it’s time for me to put down some roots of my own.

It’s in this thoughtful frame of mind that I sit at the kitchen bench, worry still curling in my chest. “What the hell is going on, Mum?”

“Oh, I didn’t want to bother you,” she starts.

I shut her down. “Mum, you know you’re not bothering me. You said everything was all right when I spoke to you yesterday. So what the hell do you mean, ‘she’s gone back to him’?”

“She’s missed a couple of meetings. Her sponsor is worried about her.”

“Right. What else?” Then I realise. I rub my hand over my face. “She wasn’t at school the other day, was she?”

“No. I got a letter from the school. She’s stopped going to classes.”

“Damn.” I try to temper my language around mum, but this is bullshit. “Have you spoken to her?”

“Oh, Bryce. You know I talk to her almost every day.” Mum shakes her head. Her brows draw together, her eyes dark. “And I hadn’t heard from her today. So I went round to check on her. And I saw… him.”

Fuck. “Is she using again?” It’s like the ground drops from under me. I can’t watch Millie go through this again. Or Mum.

“I don’t know. I got there, and he was outside her place, talking to her. I… I couldn’t face her. And I definitely didn’t want to see him. So I waited. And she let him in. Oh, Bryce.” Mum covers her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking.

I go to her, pulling her into a hug. “Mum, we’ll sort this. Don’t worry.”

“I just can’t bear it if she…”

“I know, Mum. I know.” I hold her and let her cry it out. She may be a strong woman, but she has her limits. I was right to come back, despite how it hurt me to leave Claire. I wish she was here now, wish I could tell her what’s going on. I will tell her, when I go back tomorrow. I can’t fucking wait to see her.

Mum pulls back from me, wiping her eyes. “Now, enough of this,” she says, as though I’m the one crying. “Your room is all ready for you, so you can stay as long as you like.” She pulls back from me. “You look tired. Rest up, and we’ll go and see Millie in the morning.”

“You don’t want to go now?”

“Do you think we should?”

“Yeah, I think we should. If he’s back in her life, who knows what the hell he’s doing to her! Or what she’s doing right now.”

Mum nods, a line between her brows. “All right. I’ll get my bag.”

“I might take a quick shower first,” I say, conscious of the fact I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours having sex. I was in such a hurry to get back I didn’t take one at Claire’s. Plus, if she’d decided to join me, I’m not sure I’d have been able to leave. “Then we can go.”

A short while later I stand under hot water, soaping Claire’s scent from my body, trying not to panic. If Millie has gone back to her ex and started using again, it’ll take more than a day to get her sorted and back into rehab again. We need to do whatever it takes, of course. But the sooner I get this shit sorted out the better. I come out of the shower, towelling off. I check my phone, but there are no messages from Claire. She’s probably still sleeping. My dick hardens again at the thought of her riding me, of the way she took me, meeting me in every way. I’ve never been with anyone like her.

I think of calling her, just to hear her voice, but I don’t want to wake her. Instead I send her a message.

I’m with mum. Will talk to you tomorrow. Miss you already.

Fuck. Do I add a heart or something? I have no idea. And while she might appreciate it, a photo of my dick doesn’t feel appropriate right now with everything that’s going on.

In the end I just add an “x” and press send.

Claire