Page 8 of Blade

About a lot of things.

Maybe I wasn’t cut out for monster hunting of any sort?

“I’m going to look into a new line of work and just go no contact with my family. I was trying to find a compromise but they’re kind of insane. Family.” Everyone said you shouldn’t kill them but I wasn’t sure my relatives had gotten the memo. “I’ve got a few cousins that were chased off when I was a teenager, so I might be able to find them. I’m actually really good on computers, so maybe I can make a living that way?”

Found it.

God above I was sitting on it.

He was going to end up killing me because I fucking wiggled too much.

“It’s okay, murder kitty. I’m just stupid. Not dangerous.” Eventually I’d be dangerous. Hopefully? “I’m going to just wiggle a little bit.”

Fuck.

Stupid magic ropes were getting tighter.

Had he spelled them to do this or was I just spectacularly unlucky?

Ugh.

“Nice murder kitty.” Why was he getting closer again? “I’m sorry. I’m not dangerous.”

Not like this, anyway.

Yep, he was getting closer.

“You’re a curious murder kitty, aren’t you?” He was just curious. Cats and dogs were both very curious, so no matter what he was the idea would make sense. “Pretty murder kitty is smart and curious.”

Pretty might’ve been stretching it since he was a mess of different features, like someone had asked a kid to draw a cat but it’d turned out really insane. He was growing on me, though, as long as I focused on the cat-like ones.

“Remember, we decided I wasn’t edible.” I really hoped that was getting through because he was nearly on top of me again and…and smelling me? “Good smells, murder kitty.”

That had to be better than eating me or accidentally stabbing me with his claws because I scared the fuck out of him. Every time he stretched his paws out his claws seemed to get longer and I couldn’t decide if that was real or my imagination fucking with me.

Either way, with the track my life had been on lately, he’d end up scratching a major artery and I’d bleed out in seconds while he had no idea what happened.

Thenhe’d eat me.

“I’m almost done, so please don’t get scared when I start moving again.” Thankfully, I’d practiced with this particular design enough that I really could undo it with my hands behind my back while a monster was sizing me up for a snack. “I’ve got the knot released and I’m going to slowly start opening the net.”

Slowly.

Very slowly.

He was still smelling me with his huge mouth entirely too close to delicate areas as he dragged his nose over me. The way he was breathing and huffing reminded me of a dog we had when I was a kid, so the sound itself wasn’t scary, but I wasn’t sure how that would change when I started moving.

Hadn’t I watched a video where someone had said smelling was a good thing? It’d been something about engaging their brain and that seemed to mean they’d make better decisions.

Maybe?

“Good murder kitty. You helped me get free.” Had his ears perked? Had I somehow found the monster version of Lassie? “Let’s get this rope off me.”

Slowly easing the ropes lower didn’t freak him out but it also didn’t make him move away from me either. I was at the point where I was ready to ask him why he hadn’t turned me into a mid-morning snack, but I knew I shouldn’t test the universe.

My father had a friend who’d always said God had to be British because he had a very dry sense of humor, but it felt like I was living in a Monty Python skit, so I wasn’t sure dry was how I would’ve explained it.

“Good murder kitty.” Especially when the rope brushed over his nose and made him sneeze. His glare said he thought that was a personal afront, but I wasn’t going to take the blame for that when his nose was pressed against my belly button. “We’re not scared of sneezes. Everybody sneezes. It’s like that kids’ bookEverybody Poops.”