Page 58 of The Arrangement

He yawned loudly. “My reminder to get ready for work.”

I got up and peered around to the front of the shop where the blush of morning was beginning to illuminate the front. “Time sure does fly.”

“Sure does. Two things before I go.”

“Shoot.”

“I’m really glad you reached out, though I’m sorry we didn’t really get to your TMI stuff. I promise that wasn’t on purpose,” he added quickly, and I couldn’t help but laugh. We might not have talked about my Marc-weirdness, but I felt oddly better, anyway. “And something you said when we were there has been bothering me.”

“Just one thing?” I teased.

“Har har. Do you really believe Savannah and I think you’re stupid?”

I froze, taken off guard by the blunt question. Words came and went without fully forming. Outside, a mockingbird imitated a car alarm, while inside, the flower refrigerator hummed along. Still, my mind remained obstinately blank.

“Because if we ever made you feel that way, I want you to know it’s not true, for either of us,” Andy said when I remained silent. “You’ve always been so smart, we couldn’t understand why you would—and this is before my recent epiphany—throw that away to be a common soldier instead of becoming an officer.”

“Oh, I, uh…” I didn’t know what to say, if I was being honest.

“Anyway, yeah. I wanted to make sure you knew. I’ll talk to you later?” It sucked that he felt like he needed to ask, but it also showed hewantedto keep talking.

“Yeah, I’d really like that. Now go get ready for work. I should probably get my ass in gear too. Today’s a big day.”

“Would have thought that was yesterday,” he said with a snicker.

A laugh snuck out. “I don’t know why anyone thinks you’re funny. No, today is a big day because the shop officially reopens today.”

“No shit! Well, good luck. And tell Marc I said ‘hi’.”

I assured him I would and bounded up the stairs with a smile on my face. A smile that slid off to splat on the floor the second I walked into the apartment and met Marc’s hollow gaze. “H-hey,I was just—”calling my brother because I’m freaking out about how in love with you I am. Definitely wasn’t saying that, not when he was giving me the first look I couldn’t read. I cleared my throat and stepped toward the kitchen. “Sorry about the coffee. Lost track of time while I was—”

“Don’t worry about it,” he cut me off. The complete lack of emotion in his voice brought me up short.

“What?”

He shook himself and smiled. “That sounded weird. I meant don’t worry about it because I figured we deserved fancy coffees with it being opening day and all. I’ll go grab us some and pick up breakfast while I’m at it. Two birds, one stone.” He continued smiling as he talked and made his way toward the door, but it didn’t touch his eyes, it barely touched his voice, and it didn’t reflect in his energy at all. As a matter of fact, normally Marc’s energy was a tangible thing, whether he was anxious, excited, or upset. This was none of that. It was… nothing.

“You don’t want me to come with you?”

“Pft, it’s fine. You probably want to shower or… something. I won’t be long.” Without another word, without coming anywhere near me or even saying my name, he slipped out the door.

Chapter 29

Marc

Ijust had to make it to the car. I just had to make it to the car. My foot slipped on the second to last step, and I stumbled the rest of the way to the ground floor. I could make it. Of course, it’d be a hell of a lot easier if I could stop shaking. But I wouldn’t lose it. Not here, not where he could see. I just had to make it to the car. Then… then I could figure it out.

I barely retained enough presence of mind to lock the receiving door behind me before bolting to the driver’s side door like my ass was on fire. The key was in the ignition, and I was shifting gears halfway through putting on my seatbelt. I’d made it to the car. Now I needed distance, somewhere isolated where I could fall apart.

My grand hopes of making it to the nature preserve went up in smoke—well, water—when stubborn tears made driving an insurmountable task. I whipped into the nearest parking lot of a business that thankfully wouldn’t be open for several morehours and shifted the car into park with a hand shaking so badly it took me three tries. Then I broke.

This always happened to me. God, I’d been such an idiot. I couldn’t do casual, and I’d clearly deluded myself into believing JD was on the same page. Just because I didn’t have a lot of experience didn’t mean I was completely naïve. I knew JD’s reputation as a flirt and even a playboy. Hell, that’s how this mess started. And I what? Thought things would be different with me because he indulged me? How desperate did I have to be?

I considered calling Alex, but couldn’t bring myself to do even that. I was so mortified. She shouldn’t have to keep putting me together because I couldn’t read simple cues, couldn’t pay attention to what people were really saying. James had said he wanted tofuck, not make love, not hold each other, not be there in there morning, not wake up in each other’s arms.

A fresh batch of hot tears streaked down my face, and I angrily swiped them away. This is what I got for believing I could actually have what other people did. JD would re-enlist and be gone the second his leave was up. I knew that. I’dknownthat. He hadn’t exactly left any room for doubt when he pointblank refused to talk to me about it. That was something you discussed with a partner, maybe a close friend. I let out a wet laugh. I probably barely registered as a friend with benefits.

A quick glance at the clock showed I’d already taken too long, and I still needed to pick up the promised breakfast. I wiped away the evidence of my meltdown and checked my reflection. It would have to do. Then pulled out of the vacant lot to make my way to the nearest coffee shop. He probably wouldn’t be in town much longer. I could pretend to be okay. After all, I’d been pretending my whole life.