Page 61 of Hart's Redemption

“And how am I supposed to do that?” I took a step back to escape his intensity. “Absorb their loyalty from Josh? No offense, but I don’t see that happening.”

“I don’t either,” he admitted. “I’m hoping that proximity to an Alpha they actually respect and who shares a bond withtheirAlpha can help soothe their anxiety. Tommy, especially.”

“I doubt it’s as bad as all that,” I countered. Eric had always had a penchant for being dramatic. Surely that was the case now as well.

“Except it is,” he snapped, drawing me up short in my slow retreat to find a place to change. “I’ve seen Conrad watching him. It could be the moon sickness thing, but I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to it. He either already knows they’re no longer beholden to his hold or he suspects.”

I searched his face. “You want me to act as a buffer.” He shrugged, not disputing it. “You realize that could be equallydamning? Being attached to me is arguably worse thannotbeing attached to Conrad.”

“Maybe. But it doesn’t change the fact that you’re the only one here who can even partially mitigate the acute anxiety that comes with not having an Alpha.” Something in his tone made me do a double-take.

“Eric.”

“What?” he asked, his gaze trained on the direction we’d come from.

“Eric,” I said again, more forcefully. When he continued refusing to meet my gaze, I moved to stand in front of him and demanded, “Look at me.”

He flinched at the order we both knew he couldn’t ignore. “What do you want from me, Red?” he asked, sounding and looking more downtrodden than I’d ever seen him. It wasn’t right. Eric was endless energy and attitude. He occasionally got too serious, but his stubborn optimism usually prevailed. He’d never learned the word “quit”, and now he looked like he was already halfway there.

“Why didn’t you tell me this was causing you pain? ThatIwas causing you to hurt?”

“You mean asking and then demanding for years that you take your place as head of the pack wasn’t clue enough?” His tone may have been flippant, but his smile lacked conviction. Finally, he shrugged and dropped his head again. “What good would it have done? I learned how to cope, and at least I still had you around. Anyway, I should change.” He paused before disappearing into the trees. “Just don’t be surprised when they find you.”

I watched my best friend vanish in a green haze. This was why I didn’t challenge for the mantle. Having the Alpha gene didn’t automatically mean you’d be any good at the role. I obviously wasn’t. I'd hoped that refusing to develop any Alphaabilities would have helped curb potential issues. But despite my determination, issues had sprouted like weeds anyway. How could I have goneyearswithout picking up on Eric’s hurt? Not only was he my best friend, whom I’d known my whole life, he was also the sole member ofmypack.

My worries about Eric, the pack, Josh, and everything else tumbled through my mind as I dropped to the ground and initiated the shift. It was almost funny how exposed I felt without Josh keeping watch nearby, despite the fact that I’d never changed with anyone before him. I fought not to let the observation send me into a spiral of heartache, softly caressing the spider silk thin bond within.

I was working on building up the courage to join the rest of the pack when a dark gray wolf crashed through the foliage to skid to a halt in front of me, while a slightly lighter gray wolf barrelled through the greenery to join him. Before I could even recognize them as Tommy and Kale, a sense of familiarity resonated from them.

Eric’s words were loud in my ears as I pushed on the part of myself I tried so hard to pretend didn’t exist. I sent a soft pulse of Alpha Influence at them. They shared a confused look and padded back a few paces, shaking their heads as if trying to throw it off. Curious, I reached for the bond I shared with Josh. This time, the recognition was instant.

Rather than the resistance I’d met with my less than elegant Alpha Influence, I felt… an echo. An echo of Josh. The brothers shared a more excited look and danced in place, their tongues happily lolling out of their muzzles. I could have cried with relief. It should have been because I knew how to care for and protect them. Selfishly, it was because it meant I had another piece of Josh with me.

Not far behind them, I caught Eric’s eye as he rejoined our weird group of outsiders. He looked between the brothers andme, his haughty expression all but screaming, “I told you so.” It was a cruel twist of fate, or genetics, or the goddess herself that had given me the Alpha gene when it should have gone to Eric. He would have made a fantastic leader. Even though the Alpha gene wasn’t arequirementto be Alpha, I knew he’d never take the title. Not while there was still a chance I might.

Chapter 20

Josh

EverythingI’deateninthe last three days came up in a violent rush. My stomach continued to clench sporadically long after losing all of its contents. I panted through the pain and tried diligently not to pass out. Why did I think this was a good idea? Were the visualization exercises really all that bad?

“Again,” Yanesh said with the same lack of empathy he had all the other times.

I shook my head vehemently. A move I quickly came to regret, as it bent me double with another wave of dry heaves. I flattened my hands on the wall in front of me and walked my way up, my arms in danger of giving out at any second. Sweat coated everyinch of my naked, quivering body. So much for thinking therapy would be easy or, heaven forbid,nice.

“You wanted extreme solutions to counteract the increase in manic energy as the full moon gets closer. Now, do it again.”

Even the thought of going through the change was too much. My stomach clenched in anticipation, and I barely held off the impulse to retch again. Defeated and officially too weak to stand, I slumped to the ground with my back against the wall, heedless of the sick nearby.

“Are you done?”

I nodded feebly. The cold ground seeped through my legs and ass. There wasn’t even enough ambient heat left in my body to stave it off, and I wasstarving. Clearly, I hadn’t factored in the fixed meal portions or schedule. It’d be hours before I could eat again. I shivered violently as the cold reached my core and dropped my internal temperature another few degrees.

Yanesh crossed the room to lay a thermal blanket over me and set a cup of water within reach. I didn’t bother asking where he’d been keeping the blanket. He had an interesting habit of manifesting things out of nowhere–never anything I could use to escape, but always beneficial in some way. I knew he wasn’t a witch, or at least I was pretty sure he wasn’t since I hadn’t had the telltale feeling of bubbles fizzing in my nose in response to smelling magic.

“How many is that?” I croaked when I was confident I could speak without instigating another round of dry heaves.

“Twenty-seven. Twenty-seven changes in seven days.” Yanesh crossed his arms and stared down at me. “I have to confess, Detective, I’m impressed. Your determination seems to know no bounds. However, I would like to reiterate, yet again, that I in no way condone this as a viable treatment.”