Page 32 of Hart's Redemption

His gaze flicked up. “What makes you think it’s not?” The question was neutral enough, but the slight clenching of hisjaw and the way his hands went unnaturally still betrayed his anxiety.

“Because a very discreet package arrived this morning from the pharmacy, then seemed to magically disappear.” I refrained from adding that he’d been suspiciously calm the last few days.

Josh’s hand clenched on the counter, and he glared off to the side, once again refusing to meet my gaze. “Would you rather I be manic all the time?”

“You can’t keep relying on drugs.”

“They help.”

“They’re not meant to be a treatment, just a stopgap. It’s important that you learn to manage without,” I countered.

He rolled his eyes and pushed away from the island. “Easy enough for you to say. I, for one, do not enjoy being on an emotional roller coaster without stops. Meditation won’t make that go away.”

“It’s not a matter of making it go away. It’s about control.”

He threw up his hands. “What are you so worried about?”

“I don’t want you relying on them so much. You’re stronger than that.”

He snorted. “My metabolism is almost twice yours. Do you have any idea how much I would have to take for it to be a problem?”

“I’m not worried about physical dependence. I’m worried about mental. That you think you need them to function is concerning.”

“How is that your problem?” He gave a low growl and turned to leave.

I hurried around the island and grabbed his arm in order to pull him back against me. He remained stiff in the embrace, but I refused to let him go. “Because I love you.” Josh sagged slightly at the words, and I squeezed tighter. “I love you, moonbeam.”

He sighed and turned to bury his face in my neck. “I know I should try harder. It’s just… frustrating. And the more frustrated I become, the more difficult it is to remain calm. I feel like a failure. I used to be so in control, but now it’s like I’m grasping at something to keep me afloat, and only finding air.”

My heart ached to hear the defeat in his voice. “Then hang on to me. Use the bond as an anchor.” I combed my fingers idly through his hair and felt him relax a little more.

His fingers slipped beneath my shirt to slide across my lower back. The glide of his nose along with his warm breath caressing the sensitive skin had my heart suddenly doing double time. “That might work,” he whispered, placing a hot kiss just below my ear.

My breath hitched. “Moonbeam.”

He gave a low moan and dug his fingers into the top of my ass, pulling me tight against him. “I fucking love it when you call me that, baby.”

The heated words had the rather alarming effect of shoving me under an icy-cold waterfall. “Josh… I need to tell you something.”

“What might that be?” he mumbled as he continued to trail incinerating kisses along my neck.

“It’s about your time as a wolf.”

He froze mid-kiss, then slowly pulled back. “What did I do?”

I brushed the hair back from his face and saw the worry clear in his eyes. “It’s not so much something you did as something I did.”

His face scrunched in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

I searched his wary gaze for any clue as to how he might react to the news. “I really wish I could make you promise not to get upset.”

He stepped the rest of the way out of my embrace, his eyes narrowed with increasing concern. “What happened?”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You weren’t turning back, so we… we contracted a mindwalker.” Maintaining eye contact was harder than I ever could have imagined, but I did it. The things I’d seen in Josh’s memories would haunt me until the day I died, but it was worth every nightmare to have him back.

“What are you saying? Someone was in my mind?”

“Not someone, Josh. Me.”