Page 58 of Shine For Me

He doesn’t argue with me, but the clench of his jaw tells me he disagrees.

“Is that why you slipped?” he asks.

“I was getting a little dizzy, yeah.”

“Damn it,” he mutters, closing his eyes. “You can’t do shit like that! You can’t push yourself so hard, June! You have to take care of yourself.”

“I know. It was stupid. Ifeelstupid. You have no idea.”

He takes a few deep breaths, clearly trying to control his emotions. It’s weird, seeing him so worked up. Fox is usually the calm, together one. I’ve never seen him lose his cool like this.

“It’s my fucking fault,” he mutters.

“What? No it’s not. You weren’t even there.”

“You said you haven’t been sleeping. You gonna tell me that’s not my fault?”

I look away. I probably shouldn’t have admitted to that part about not sleeping. But Fox’s hand comes up to cradle my jaw again, turning my face to look at him. His big blue eyes are filled with regret. “I couldn’t have handled that any worse if I tried. I’m so fucking sorry, June.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry for sleeping with me.”

He makes a strangled sound, his mouth opening and closing a few times. “I’m not sorry forthat,” he finally manages to get out. “Are you kidding me right now?”

I shrug, feeling way too exposed. “You didn’t seem too happy about it afterwards.”

“Andthat’swhat I’m apologizing for,” he says firmly. “For afterwards. Not for sleeping with you. Jesus. I’ll never regret that.”

And now I’m crying again. Great.

“You’re killing me here,” he says softly, brushing a tear from my cheek with his thumb.

“You were so angry that night,” I point out.

He grimaces. “I was. But that wasn’t your fault and I shouldn’t have put it on you. I knew you were engaged before I knocked on your door that night.”

“I’m not engaged,” I burst out. “I told you I’m not marrying him, Fox.”

“I know.” He looks sad. “But he still gets to claim you in public. As far as the world knows, you’re his. And I really, really hate that. Because there’s no universe in which that asshole deserves you.” He brushes away another tear. “But I still shouldn’t have acted the way I did. It’s just that when you pulled away—”

“I didn’t pull away,” I interrupt. “Youpulled away.”

He looks at me like I’m crazy. “You got all rigid on me and ran to the bathroom. And when you came back out, you were like a different person.”

“Yeah, because you made it clear it was just a one-time thing!”

He looks baffled. “How in the hell did I do that?”

“You said I should call you for sex the next time I felt anxious. Clearly that meant it wasn’t going to be anything regular between us.”

“I was joking! You’re the one who said nothing should change!”

“Because I thought that was what you wanted!”

He runs a hand through his hair. “Jesus, my little brother was right.”

“What?”

He waves away the question. “Apparently, we need to do a better job of talking to each other. So let’s start that right now.” He looks into my eyes. “I didn’t want it to be a one-time thing. I still don’t want it to be a one-time thing.”