Page 36 of Shine For Me

I decide to keep it vague. “Our relationship isn’t…exactly what it seems to be.”

I finally tear my gaze from the ocean when Fox barks out a sharp, almost bitter laugh. “Yeah, I figured that.”

My heart pounds hard as I study his face. Does he already know?

“Look.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I haven’t been in this business as long as you, but even I know that sometimes public relationships aren’t always the same behind closed doors.” His gaze drops to my hand and the bare ring finger that suddenly seems very conspicuous resting against my thigh.

My stomach twists. Maybe it’s time to just be honest. “Do you know how hard it is to do well in statewide elections without the support of the movie industry?” I ask.

“Uh…can’t say I ever gave it much thought.”

“Think about how many unions we work with on a daily basis,” I tell him. “That kind of support is really important for someone running for a statewide office. Such as the governorship.”

“Ah,” he says, understanding clearly hitting him.

“And that doesn’t even take into account how many studio execs and producers donate huge sums of money to political candidates.”

“And a man like your grandfather would probably have a lot of influence with those unions and donors.”

“Exactly. And the governor is just as valuable to Jimmy Cain as Jimmy Cain is to the governor. Tax incentives are huge for Hollywood studios. Labor laws. There are so many reasons it’s helpful to have the governor of California owe you.”

“Jesus, June.”

“Adam’s dad is probably going to run for president someday. And Adam definitely won’t be satisfied with city council for long. Guess what happens to their polling every time Adam gets his picture taken with Hollywood’s sweetheart?”

Fox is quiet for a long moment and I don’t even want to guess at what he’s thinking. “You can say it. I’m pretty disgusting.”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” he snaps.

I shrug. “It would be true. I go along with this shit because I’m too much of a coward to tell Jimmy no.”

“I knew there was something fucked up with that guy,” he grumbles.

“Yeah, well, I’m stuck with him until I can figure out how to stand up for myself.”

“You deserve better than that, June.”

I wish I believed that.

“It wasn’t always like this. With me and Adam.” I don’t know why it’s so important to me that he knows this. “I really thought I was in love with him.”

His voice grows sharper. “What did he do?”

If I close my eyes, I can still see it. The line of the woman’s back as she moved on top of my fiancé—in my bed. The sight of his familiar dark hair contrasting with our stark white pillows below his head. The rush of shame and embarrassment that filled me when I realized what was happening—and it took an endless moment for it to really hit me. I must have stared at them in confusion for a solid minute before I understood what it was that I was seeing.

I hadn’t even felt angry, not at first. I just wanted to throw up.

“He wasn’t who I thought he was,” I finally say.

Fox is quiet for a moment. “Are you going to marry him?”

“No.” The word shoots out of me without any planning. It’s like the very idea of marrying Adam is so terrible that I’m physically compelled to deny it.

Another stretch of quiet. “But you’re not going to break up with him.” He doesn’t say it like a question. And even though there’s no judgement in his tone, I can’t help but feel a hot rush of shame anyhow.

“I’m not sure,” I finally whisper.

“So is this like, an open relationship?”