Page 14 of Shine For Me

I find I can’t meet any of their eyes. Embarrassment is growing in my belly and it gets worse as the silence goes on. I know enough about Fox’s family to know that these women have the absolute real deal when it comes to relationships. Their husbands and fiancés adore them.

I can’t imagine any of them staying in a dead relationship for so long just because it’s good for business. Even thinking the words make me feel a deep swell of shame.

But I do the only thing I can do—I put on a smile and I smooth it over. “Our wedding plans are on hold,” I tell them. “Our lives are both so busy and complicated, you know? So we have some things to work through.” I slip my hand under my thigh to cover my bare finger. “But we’re still engaged.”

I’m both grateful for my ability to slip into PR mode and frustrated about it. That tiny little flash of camaraderie I’d felt with these girls is long gone.

This is why you don’t have friends,I think to myself.You’re sitting here with these kind, welcoming, funny women and lying your ass off.These girls are real in a way I don’t think I’ve ever been in my life. How could I possibly expect any of them to connect with me?

“Speaking of weddings.” I turn to Everly, desperate to change the subject. “Tell me about your plans with Bodhi. I want to hear everything.”

She studies me for a moment and I wonder what she sees. I have an awful feeling it might not be something good.

But eventually she looks away and starts talking about her extensive wedding plans. I ask questions and exclaim at all the right places. Slowly, slowly, I feel that old mask coming back up. The one that protects and isolates me in equal measure.

I force myself to sit there under that tree in the Ransome’s garden with these girls who in another life might have been my friends. I last for ten minutes before making up an excuse and going back to the party, hoping Fox will be ready to leave soon.