Page 105 of Shine For Me
“Why wouldn’t you tell us?” Violet asks, sounding a little hurt.
“Can we talk about this some other time?” I ask. “The point is, my plan didn’t work. June didn’t call me back. She clearly doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“We are going to talk about it right now,” Rose says, her voice sharp. I blink up at her, realizing she’s pissed. “We’re your family, Fox. You don’t keep stuff like that from us.”
“I was embarrassed.”
“You think I wasn’t embarrassed to tell you all the times I was struggling?” Ash snaps. “You think that was easy for me?”
I stare at my little brother. “Shit. I’m sorry, Ash. You’re right. I should have told you guys.” I rub at my forehead. “I just got tired of feeling like the stupid afterthought, okay?”
“You’re not an afterthought,” River says. “What the hell does that even mean?”
“It means, I didn’t fit in anywhere. I wasn’t in the cool group with you and Rose and Will. I didn’t fit with Lyric and Silas and I wasn’t good enough to be in the band. I was just there.” I know that I’m not explaining this well. Lack of sleep since Napa combined with too much booze today has my brain a foggy mess.
River snorts loudly. “Yeah, you were just there. Just there starting a fucking company with Everly and Alex. Just there teaching yourself how to code. Just there signing with an agent and starring in movies. You’re right, Fox. Total afterthought. That’s you.”
A sharp pain lances through me as I remember June saying mostly the same thing in her hotel room that night all those weeks ago.
“Shit,” I mutter, rubbing my forehead. “I just got it.”
“Just got what?” Rose asks.
“What everyone always says about the way June looks at me.”
“Like she wants to have a dozen of your babies?” Ash says. “Yeah, we could have told you that.”
“No.” I shake my head. “She looks at me like that because she sees me. She really sees me. I didn’t understand that before.” And now I kind of want to start bawling, because I threw it all away and I’m afraid it’s too late now.
“River, make more coffee,” Rose says. “He’s still out of it.”
“I’m not,” I tell her. “I kind of wish I was. Maybe this wouldn’t hurt so bad.”
“God, this is depressing,” River mutters.
“Dude, you need to snap out of it,” Ash says firmly, sliding his chair closer to mine and gripping my arm. “You’re clearly a mess without her. So let’s do something about it.”
“Did you not hear me the first twenty times I said she won’t answer the phone?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he snaps. “I didn’t realize your legs were broken. That must be the reason you think a phone is your only way to contact her.” I stare at my little brother, totally lost, until he groans. “Fox. Let’s go to her house. If she won’t answer the phone, go see her. Jesus, this is like, middle school level relationship advice here.”
“Kid has a point,” River says. “You do know where she lives, right?”
“Of course I do.” I picture June’s quiet, perfectly decorated house in Los Feliz, with the designer kitchen and the white furniture. That house has never felt like June to me. The complete opposite of the warm, cluttered little cottage where her mom lives.
Picturing her in that cottage has a rush of longing swelling in my gut. All of a sudden, the idea of going to her house sounds perfect. I’ll get to see her. Even if she’s mad at me, it will be worth it just to be close to her for a few minutes.
“There’s a problem with that idea,” I say. “I definitely can’t drive.”
“We’ll take you,” Rose says immediately.
“Ooh, road trip!” Violet cries.
I should probably argue, say that I only need one person driving me. But I’m too desperate to see June to fight with my siblings. I stand, swaying a little on my feet. “Who’s driving?”
* * *
It only takesa few minutes to realize that this was a mistake. I should have taken a ride share. At least then I wouldn’t be crammed in the back of River’s SUV between Ash and Violet, who are arguing about whether we need to stop to buy June a present.
