Page 56 of More For Me

Everly

It takes about four gin and tonics, but eventually I manage to rid myself of the hot sick feeling that’s been plaguing me ever since I saw that photo album. In fact, right now I’m not feeling much of anything. And that’s just how I like it. I can be a kick-ass strong girl. I’m not going to let some guy screw up my night. I am doing just fine.

“You look like shit,” Rose says bluntly, joining me on the couch. I scowl at her, but I think the effect is ruined when I hiccup. “Seriously, Lele.” She points at the glass in my hand. “You’re throwing those back like they’re water. What’s going on?”

“Why does something have to be going on?” I hold up my gin and tonic. Now that I think about it, this might actually be my fifth. “We’re having a party, right? Am I not supposed to drink at a party?”

“It’s not about the drinking.” She waves a hand around my face. “It’s about this.”

“What’s this supposed to mean.” I try to mimic her little wave by my face and end up sticking a finger in my eye. “Ow.”

She pulls my hand away. “It means that you’re not usually a sad drunk. Drinking usually makes you happy. Why aren’t you dancing? Why aren’t you telling me funny stories? You’re sitting all by yourself on the couch.” She looks around the living room, packed with our cousins and some of their friends who I have zero interest in being social with. “And where the hell is Bodhi?”

“Probably talking to your husband,” I grumble. “Telling him all his secret best friend secrets. Secrets that are way too secret for me to know about, apparently.”

She blinks at me. “That’s an awful lot of secrets.”

“Exactly.”

“Maybe we’ve had enough of these,” she says gently, reaching for my glass. I cradle it to my chest.

“You can’t have it. This gin and tonic is all I have left in the world.”

“Sweetie, what is going on? Bodhi is practically passed out on your kitchen table. Leo’s basically been pouring whiskey down his throat since you guys got back.” She rubs my shoulder. “What happened tonight?”

I feel tears fill my eyes. “I can’t tell you.”

She studies me for a long moment. “I’m gonna go get Alex.”

“No!” I sound a little hysterical as I grab her wrist. “Don’t do that.” If Alex comes over here, there’s no way I’ll be able to keep from spilling it all out. And I can’t do that. I might be mad and frustrated and hurt by Bodhi, but I’m not about to share his secrets with anyone.

Maybe they all already know,I think bitterly. Maybe I’m the only one he didn’t think he could tell.

“Everly, you’re crying.” She sounds worried.

“I’m just being silly.” I bring my glass to my mouth only to discover it’s empty. More tears fall from my eyes and I pull in a hiccupping sob. “And now my gin and tonic is gone. Which means I have nothing.” I stare at the empty glass. “I was counting on you. Who’s going to be my friend now?”

“What’s she going on about?” another voice asks, and I blink a few times, trying to make the two faces in front of me go into focus. Eva.

“I have no idea,” Rose says. “She always gets a little more ridiculous than usual when she’s drunk—”

“Hey!” I complain.

“—but this is weird, even for her. I don’t think she’s ever referred to a drink as her only friend before.”

“I’ll get Alex,” Eva says, standing.

“She said no,” Rose answers.

“Hmm. Bodhi then?”

“No!” This time I shout it and half the people in the room turn in my direction. Great.

Get it together, Everly,I tell myself, trying to straighten. I look back at the girls, forcing myself to ignore the fact that their faces have blurred into one. “You’re right. I’m not acting like myself. We should be dancing or something!”

Rose doesn’t look at all convinced. “Maybe you should go lie down.”

“Fuck that. Let’s dance.” I somehow manage to get to my feet, even as the room sways. That’s okay though, right? Swaying is kind of like dancing.