Page 37 of More For Me

“I was happy.Sofucking happy for him. No one deserves to have a family more than Leo.”

I study him. “But before that, you were his family.”

He swallows. “Yeah. And I know we’re not going to like, stop being friends.” He tilts his chin down to smile at me. “That jerk couldn’t get away from me if he tried.” Then he sighs. “But that doesn’t mean it won’t be different.”

I snuggle back in. “Exactly.” We lie like that for a long time, Bodhi gently playing with my hair, his heartbeat steady and strong under my ear.

“It was really hard for me to make friends as a kid. Not because I was shy or anything.”

He chuckles, the sound vibrating through his chest. “I literally cannot imagine you shy.”

“Yeah, well, the girls in my school seemed to wish that I was. They definitely didn’t take kindly to my efforts at being friends.”

His arm tightens even more. “Why?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Jealousy? General asshole kid behavior? Maybe it was just the fact that we weren’t in school very much when we were young and they’d already formed their allegiances.”

There’s a little frayed bit of fabric on his shirt, right over his heart, and I run my finger over it, needing something to fidget with. “There was this group of girls who just didn’t like me, no matter how hard I tried. They teased me about my dad’s music. They made up stories about where I went when we were out on tour with the band.” I snort, even though it doesn’t really feel funny. “A mental hospital was my favorite.”

“Jesus,” he mutters, sounding pissed.

“It wasn’t fun. And it wasn’t just me—I saw kids give Rose a ton of crap. River and Fox, too. I think Will was too intimidating even back then for anyone to try, but he certainly didn’t make friends with the assholes either.”

“I’m glad you guys had each other.”

I nod. “It kind of sucked, because by the time Dad and the guys bought the label—that’s when we really settled down in one place, without touring all the time, and we were in school more consistently. That happened right before I got to middle school. Which meant River, Rose, and Will were in a different school, since they’re older. Luckily Alex and I were in the same grade so I was never totally alone.”

I swallow, wondering why this is hitting me so hard right now. I haven’t thought about this shit in forever.

“There was this one girl, Heather DiAngelo, who just delighted in giving me a hard time. My clothes, my braces.” My mom. But I don’t say that, because it makes me feel sick to even think about that bitch calling my mom a cokehead when she helped to plan the Christmas dance. Apparently, her energy level made my mom a “either a psycho freak or a druggie.”

“Alex eventually told Will and River, and they skipped class to come to the middle school and meet her and her friends after school.”

“Good,” Bodhi says grimly. “I hope they scared the shit out of those assholes.”

I nod. “They did. But…” I close my eyes. “It lasted for a few weeks. Then Heather started a rumor that she saw me making out with Will. That the reason our family stuck to ourselves was because we were weirdo perverts.”

“God, Lele.”

“It’s fine. I mean, it was a long time ago.”

“Just because it happened a long time ago, doesn’t mean it can’t still hurt.” There’s a note of something dark in his voice, something that burrows down under my skin and makes me ache for him in ways that don’t even make sense.

“I guess the point of all this babbling is just to say…my family was all I had for a really long time, you know? We pretty much just closed ranks with each other, because it wasn’t worth it to mess with people we couldn’t trust. And I wouldn’t change that. Honestly, I wouldn’t. I couldn’t have asked for better friends than my cousins.”

“But watching them all go on to do different things, without you, is scary.”

I relax into him, grateful that he understands. He always understands me. “Yes.”

“Things have changed for you, too, though. You get that, right? Jesus, Everly, you own your own business. You’re like, crazy successful. You have a TV show.”

“I know. But I did that with Fox and Alex.” And now Fox might be moving on.

He grabs my hand from where I’m still messing with the fray—it’s almost a hole now—and intertwines our fingers. “You also proved that you’re very capable of making friends, when the people in question aren’t assholes.”

I scoff. “Not really. I still spend ninety nine percent of my time with my family.”

He laughs, squeezing my hand. “And what about me?”

“What about you?”

“Are we not friends?”

“That’s different,” I say automatically. “You…you’re you.”

He laughs, the low, warm sound sending little shivers up my arms. “What does that mean?”

I chew on my lip, thinking that over. “I don’t know…I guess we just…clicked. It never felt like trying with you.”

Bodhi is quiet, the only sound in the room the steady, gentle rhythm of his heart under my cheek. “You never have to try with me, Lele,” he finally says, kissing my forehead.