Page 130 of More For Me

“I haven’t seen him in a month,” she says, her voice tight. “He hasn’t seen his grandsons in even longer than that.”

Dev puts a hand on her arm, either to quiet or comfort her, but she brushes him away. “This is ridiculous, Ammi. He’s supposed to be the head of this family and he’s never here.”

“You will not speak disrespectfully about your father,” Mom says in that quiet, firm voice she only uses when telling one of us off.

“Why not?” Nisha cries, throwing her hands up. “He’s not around to hear it.”

“Stop, Nish,” I hiss, taking a step toward our mother. She doesn’t look as upset as I assumed she’d be by this outburst, but my stomach is still churning. Ihatethis. “Let’s just finish dinner and—”

“God, Bodhi, willyoustop?” Nisha shouts, and the kids actually go quiet in the other room. “You don’t have to smooth everything over! It’s not your job to make it better.”

“You will lower your voice, Nisha,” Mom says in that same low, calm voice. “Your children don’t need to hear this.”

But my sister is glaring at me across the kitchen. “You always do this,” she says, her voice shaking. “You don’t need to protect her.” She jabs a finger in our mother’s direction. “And you don’t need to defend him.”

“Nisha.” Dev’s voice is gentle. “This isn’t helping.”

“Maybe it is!” she snaps. “Maybe this is exactly what we need! To stop hiding every fucking thing—”

“Nisha!” Now Mom’s voice is angry. “You will not use that language in my house.”

“I’m sorry, Ammi.” Then my sister bursts into tears.

I stand frozen in place, sure I’m about to be sick. My chest feels funny, too tight and heavy. There’s not enough air in this room.

“Mommy?” Ravi says and we all turn to see both boys standing in the doorway, their expressions scared and uncertain.

“Hey guys,” I say, trying to ignore the pounding in my head. “Why don’t we go and—”

“No,” Mom says, placing a hand on my arm. “Your sister is right. You don’t need to smooth this over, beta.” Then she turns to the boys and kneels, holding out her arms to them. “It’s all right, my loves. Sometimes grownups get upset, too. But everyone is fine.”

The boys still look uncertain as they hug her, but the fear seems to have left them. “Go on back and watch your show, yes? We won’t shout anymore.”

Both boys look to their parents. Nisha has turned her back, wiping hurriedly at her eyes, but Dev gives them an encouraging smile. “Aji is right. Go watch TV and let us talk. Everything is fine.”

With one more worried glance at their mother’s back, the boys do as they’re told. I want more than anything to follow them. Everything feels turned on its head and I can’t get my bearings—or catch my fucking breath—but I know I want out of this kitchen.

“Sit down,” my mother says. “We need to talk.”

“I’ll make chai,” I begin, but cut off when she turns her steeliest look at me.

“Sitdown, Bodhi.”

I do as she says without another word, my heart pounding hard even though I’m just sitting here. Nisha takes her usual seat across from me, Dev at her side. Mom hesitates than sits at the head of the table. In Dad’s seat.

“Your father and I have decided to separate.”

The kitchen goes eerily still.

I stare at my mother, certain I’ve heard wrong. The ringing in my ears is so loud I must have misunderstood.

“He left you?” Nisha gasps out.

Mom straightens her shoulders. “I asked him to leave.”

This cannot be happening. My mother would never,everask him for that. She doesn’t believe in divorce. In her eyes, a marriage is forever, no matter what.

“You’re still trying to protect him?” Nisha asks, obviously thinking the same thing as me.