Page 116 of More For Me

I open my mouth to again insist he admit that he’s full of shit, but he continues with his rant, getting more and more into it.

“And what the hell is up with the pouches? They’re like, external wombs and I hate it. Those babies peeking their heads out like aliens bursting from a host.” He shudders again, even more pronounced. If he’s messing with me, he’s a way better actor than I ever gave him credit for. “Have you ever looked at a picture of their feet? Because they look like raptor feet. I’m not even kidding. They have claws. And beady, lifeless, deadened eyes. Those things would kick your ass and enjoy it.”

“Are you under the impression humans are often getting into fights with kangaroos?”

“Leo sent me a video once of a kangaroodrowning a dog.”

I stare at him. “You’re full of shit.”

“I’m not! Leo gets all nerdy about weird animal facts, he’s always sending me stuff. When he found out I didn’t like kangaroos, the bastard started looking for as much kangaroo-related-horrors that he could find.”

“Bodhi—”

“Have you ever seen kangaroos fighting? They punch and kick each other. It’s like an MMA fight in the wild. There’s this video of a kangaroo putting another kangaroo into a choke hold. He strangles him, Everly! The other kangaroopasses out. They’re evil.” His eyes dart over and see me pulling out my phone. “What are you doing?”

“Obviously I’m looking up kangaroos.”

He grimaces. “Whatever you do, don’t google kangaroo demon noises.”

“You know you can’t say that to me and expect me tonotlook up kangaroo demon noises.”

Something like panic crosses his face. “There are headphones in the glove compartment. I swear to God if you play that shit while I’m driving I’ll crash the car.”

“You’re ridiculous.” But I’m starting to think he’s not fooling around. He looks genuinely freaked out. So I root in his glove compartment until I find a pair of Bluetooth headphones and connect them to my phone before starting the first video that came up in my search.

A low, snorting, growling groan fills my ears and I nearly drop the phone. “What the hell is that?”

“I told you! I freaking told you, Everly!”

“That sounds like a pack of zombies or something!”

“They. Are. Terrifying.”

The noise gets louder and deeper, sounding like a mix between a dinosaur growl and some kind of monster grunting. “Imagine living in Australia and hearing that in the middle of the night!”

“Oh, God,” he whimpers. “Please stop.”

A giggle escapes. “It’s kind of funny, though. I mean, I would have never thought this is the noise I was going to hear. They look so sweet.”

“Lies,” he grumbles. “All lies.”

My giggle turns to a full laugh, and I can’t stop. The completely unexpected horrific growling in my ears and Bodhi’s pale face, it’s all too much.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” I gasp, wiping my eyes. I pull the earphones out. “You’re right. Kangaroos are way weirder than depicted in popular media. But the caption on that video said only the males make that noise, and only during mating season, so it’s not like they’re always hopping around growling like monsters.”

“Then the females are just as psychotic as the males if hearing that turns them on!” I burst out laughing again and this time Bodhi joins me. “Like, they hear that horror show and think to themselves, ‘yes girl, let’s get us a piece of that!’”

“Oh my God, my stomach hurts,” I gasp. “Stop.”

“Do you believe me now?”

“Yes. You’re right. Kangaroos are awful.”

He smacks his hands against the steering wheel. “Thank you!”

“It’s a good thing the zoo we’re going to has an entire outback habitat where people can walk aroundwiththe kangaroos and wallabies without any barriers.”