Page 84 of Lance

He leans closer still and I actually feel a little thrill of fear at the anger in his face. “I am a fuckup, Willa. I’ve always been a fuckup. It’s what I’ll always be. I’ve been trying to tell you this since that damn party. The last thing that kid needs is for me to mess up his life the way I always mess upmine.”

“You’re not a fuckup,” I breathe, but I’m not trying to reassure him, not trying to comfort him. I shake my head. “You’re acoward. You’re tooafraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid that you might actually be good at this. That you might be happy. That this might be the life youwant.”

He pushes off from the table, pacing around the kitchen until he finally turns back to face me. “I guess it takes a coward to knowone.”

“What?”

“Why aren’t you in school, Willa?” I gape at him, too surprised by this turn in conversation to make my mouth form words. “You’re supposed to be some kind of genius, right? So why are you spending your days taking care of a kindergartener instead of getting yourdegree?”

“I…I told you,” I stammer. “I needed a break to figure thingsout.”

“You didn’t need a break,” he snaps. “You didn’t need to figure anything out. You know exactly what you want to do! You’re just too afraid to tell yourmom.”

“That’s nottrue.”

“Then why aren’t you taking art classes right now?” I snap my mouth closed and something like triumph glints in his eyes. “At least I’m working to get what Iwant.”

“The band.” I don’t bother to keep the derision from myvoice.

“Yes. The band. The only thing I’ve ever been good at. I’m sorry if that’s not as noble as drawing fucking comic books,but—”

“Youasshole.”

That triumph is still in his eyes—along with a whole lot of bitterness. “Exactly, Willa. I am an asshole. I am selfish and rude and I fail at just about everything I try. Except for Intrigue. I refuse to be sorry for wanting to make that myfocus.”

“And everyone else can just go to hell, right?” He flinches, but he doesn’t argue. “I can’t believe I thought I knewyou.”

“You do know me,” he mutters, looking away. “You just let yourself forget because you were…caught up inthis.”

I stare across the kitchen at him, his face hard, his shoulders set. It seems almost impossible to believe I’m looking at the same man who climbed into that lawn chair with me this morning, who knew without asking that I wasn’t fine, who held me while Icried.

The last time we fought in this kitchen, I realize, we ended up in bed together. Now that feels like anotherlife.

“Well,” I finally say, standing. “I guess it’s time to get myself uncaught.” My purse is hanging over one of the kitchen chairs and I grab it, not bothering to hide how my hands are shaking. “I’ll be here in the morning to take Simon toschool.”

His face softens slightly. “You shouldn’t drive, you’reupset—”

I let out a hysterical peal of laughter. He doesn’t actually believe I’m staying here after allthat?

“I’ll be just fine.” I pull out my keys, glad to have something to focus my attention on. I don’t think I can stand to look at his face anymore. “Under the circumstances, I think it’s better if Simon and I stay here while you guys are in SanDiego.”

He rubs his hands over his face and he no longer looks triumphant or angry or bitter. He just looks tired. “Willa, let’s not make anyrash—”

But the time for arguing has passed. I’m done here. I’m justdone.

“You can consider this my two-weeknotice.”

And then, without another word, Ileave.

* * *

“So he just went toSan Diego?” Nia asks, handing me a bowl of ice cream before she sinks onto the couch next to me. “Man. That’s messedup.”

“Well, it’s only for three days but…yeah, heleft.”