Page 30 of Lance

Willa

It’s very strange, the way I feel as I face my brother across the small dining table in his suite. Strange, because I’m not terrified. Even though he’s scowling at me in that way that normally sends my stomach plummeting to the floor, even though his eyes are clearly broadcasting major disappointment—and disappointment is usually my own personal form of kryptonite—I still feel okay. Actually, I feel better than okay. I feel completely confident. I’ve managed to explain to him why I made my choice without stuttering once, without my voice so much as shaking. He didn’t interrupt while I talked, merely watched me with those scowling narrowed eyes. And now that I’m done explaining and he’s still glaring at me, I meet his gaze head on. I’m not evenfidgeting.

WhoamI?

“I don’t like this,” James finally grumbles, his first words since he pointed at the table and demanded that I explain myself. “You can’t be thinking thisthrough.”

I have to laugh at that. “Seriously, James? You don’t thinkI’mthinking it through? Have I ever, in our lives, acted like a person who doesn’t think things through? I overthinkeverything.”

“Minnie, that’s why I’m so worried,” he says, leaning toward me across the table. I can see in his eyes that he really is worried—this isn’t just about parroting our mom’s fears back at me. He’s genuinely concerned. “This isn’t like you,” he goes on. “To make such a big decision so quickly, to jeopardize what you’ve worked so hardfor—”

“I’m not happy, James,” I say quietly, and his mouth snapsshut.

“What?”

“I’m not happy. I haven’t been for a really long time. And I just need…I need something to be different. I don’t know if this is going to help.” I stare down at my hands, not sure how to describe the desperation that’s been burrowing in my chest. “I feel like I have to trysomething.”

James doesn’t say anything for a long time, just stares at me across the table, his eyes dark as they search my face. Finally he leans back in his chair. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

He shrugs. “The only thing I care about is that you’re happy, Min. You know that. If school isn’t doing that for you, if you really feel like taking a break might help, then I’m withyou.”

I could cry. “And you’ll have my back withMom?”

He groans. “Don’t press your luck.” Then he smiles for the first time and my heart clenches with affection for my big brother. The nice thing about James is that, since he’s so very often kind of a grump, when hedoessmile it basically feels like a burst of sunshine. “I’ll talk to her. See if I can get her to calmdown.”

“You’re an awesome big brother, have I told youthat?”

He rolls his eyes. “Well, you definitely owe me one.” His expression hardens a little but the attempted gruffness doesn’t reach his eyes. “Don’t think this means I’m going to be cool with you totally screwing around for God knows how long,” he warns. “Taking a break is one thing, but you’re way too smart and talented to throw everything away to go on a months-long bender orsomething.”

“I have zero plans for benders,” I assure him. “I’m actually thinking I’ll probably look for a job.” I think about Lance’s movie theater suggestion and hide agrin.

“I can probably help you find something,” James says. “Maybe there’s something in Louis’s office or with thelabel.”

Which would probably mean seeing Lance quite a bit. My heart gives a weird little spasm at the thought and I can’t quite tell if I’m excited at the prospect or terrified by it. Maybe James reads it as excitement in my face because he adds, “It would just be entry-level stuff. Maybe answering fan mail, getting coffee, that kind of thing. Probably nothing tooexciting.”

“I don’t need exciting, I just need to pay my bills once they cancel myscholarships.”

He frowns at that. “I can take care of your rent for a while,Minnie.”

I shake my head at him. “You really are much sweeter than you want people to think you are.” Predictably, he glowers in response and I laugh. “Thank you, but no. I want to do this on myown.”

He opens his mouth, clearly ready for an argument, but his cell phone rings. He glances at the screen and sighs. “Hang on aminute.”

When he holds the phone to his ear I can hear the shrill sound of a woman’s voice on the other end. James frowns. “What?” The voice continues and I watch as James’s face changes, his normal frown giving way to a look of shock and disbelief. “What?”

“What’s going on?” I ask, but he waves meaway.

“Okay. Okay, I’ll be right there. The lobby?” She says something else. “His room? Okay. I’m on myway.”

He tosses the phone on the table, staring at it like he’s not sure it’s real. “James?”

“Lance is having some kind of emergency,” he says, standing up. “I need to get downthere.”

My stomach clenches. “Whatemergency?”

He shakes his head, his eyes still wide. “Something about his ex-girlfriend and a kid. I don’t know, exactly, Layla was kind of hysterical. All I know is that he’s introuble.”