Page 100 of Good For Me

Jas

Ican’t remember the last time I felt this angry. The kind of anger that makes your blood feel hot in your veins, that seems to fill the air around you with crackling electricity. I feel like it would take next to nothing to make me erupt.

I get to River’s Jeep first and find it unlocked. I slide into the passenger side, allowing myself the satisfaction of slamming the door. How fucking dare he talk over me like that? Both of them talking right over my head, like I’m just an errant little kid that needs the big strong men to make decisions and keep me safe. I’m perfectly capable of making my own damn choices, thank you very much, and I have every intention of telling River that—preferably in the midst of a good old shouting match—when he climbs into the Jeep a moment later.

“You can yell at me all you want,” he says smoothly, as if reading my mind—not that it’s too difficult. I’m sure he can see every ounce of anger flashing in my eyes. “But please wait to do it back at my place, okay? I need to get you away from this smoke first.”

I tighten my hands into fists and stare out the window, jaw clenched so hard I could probably crack a tooth. “Fine,” I grit out, then turn my attention to the window. I don’t say another word during the drive, and neither does he. In fact, he seems perfectly calm next to me, his breathing even and regular.

His house is only a ten-minute drive from the bar but I feel every inch of the journey as tension radiates off me. I’m pissed about the way he took charge back there. I’m still freaked out about the fire. Worried about my uncle and what he’s going to do. Worried about our possessions that are likely soaked and ruined up in the apartment.

And I’m more than a little scared that River was right—that I did breathe in some smoke, which definitely could be bad for the baby.

So I gather all these feelings up into a tight ball in my chest, just waiting for the moment until I can unleash them on the bossy jerk at my side. The longer I sit here next to him and his obnoxiously calm demeanor, the angrier I get.

When he parks, I jump out of the Jeep before he even has the keys out of the ignition, eager to escape the too-small-for-my-anger space. I expect him to say something once he’s followed me out, to use some of that famous charm to try and head me off, calm me down. But he remains silent as he walks to the front door, unlocking it and gesturing me to go ahead of him inside.

I march into the house, hearing the quiet click of the door behind me. I’m about to turn and give him a piece of my mind when I feel his big palms gripping my shoulders. The angry words die on my tongue as he pulls me into him, turning me around to tuck my face against his chest. He bends over me, burying his face in my neck, and breathes deeply, like he’s desperate to take in my scent. His arms are like iron bands against my back as he holds me impossibly close, so tight I almost can’t breathe.

And then I realize his entire body is shaking.

“River?” I whisper, the anger and annoyance quickly becoming replaced with confusion. “What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t answer, just holds me even closer. I stand there for a few beats, bewildered.

He’s terrified, I realize, remembering the way he looked back at the bar. It was obvious then he was freaked out but I’d been so overwhelmed by everything I don’t think I really registered just how upset he really was.

But standing here now, in the quiet of his house, away from all the commotion, it really hits me. This big, strong man is trembling in my arms, holding onto me like he can’t bear to let go, like I’m his lifeline. Like he’s absolutely panicked that he might lose something precious to him.

It’s the baby,I tell myself.He’s just worried about the baby.

I try to imagine how it would have felt for him, to get that call. HowIwould have felt, if the situation had been reversed. If River was in danger.

It makes my breath catch in my throat to even think about it.

And that’s when I get it. He isn’t just thinking about the baby. He’s afraid to lose me, too.

I don’t even think about it, automatically bringing my arms up around him, squeezing him back just as hard. He shudders a little when my hands touch the planes of his back, burying his face closer to my neck.

“I’m okay,” I whisper. “I am, River. Everything is fine.”

“That’s the most scared I’ve ever been in my life,” he whispers, his voice ragged. “Thinking you might have been hurt—” he makes a strangled sound, like he can’t stand to finish the thought.

“But I wasn’t hurt,” I point out. “See?” I give him a squeeze. “I’m right here. All in one piece.”

He chuckles, the sound almost like a sob against my neck. “Forgive me if I take a little more time to prove that to myself.”

I laugh, running one hand up to scratch my fingers into his nape. He shivers a little, so I do it again. “You can take all the time you need,” I tell him.

I don’t know how long we stand there, clinging to each other in his entryway. I really hope his brother and cousins aren’t around, because we probably look insane right now. But I can’t find it in me to care too much. Something seems to have changed in the last few minutes, a shift between us. It’s a little scary and a whole lot overwhelming, but I’m starting to think that’s okay. Maybe there are some things in this life that are meant to be scary and overwhelming.

Especially when those things feel as good as River wrapped around me.

He takes a last shuddering breath and pulls back. I have to bite back a gasp when I see his eyes. They’re completely open to me, every emotion exposed, right on the surface.

This man is in love with me.My heart seizes in my chest and I immediately push the thought away—it’s way too early for that. And there are way too many extenuating circumstances muddying up the waters. The baby, the fear we’re both feeling about the fire. Everything is too raw right now.

So I tuck that thought—the possibility that he might really feel that way—deep down inside to examine another day.