Page 87 of Good For Me

He is, and I don’t think I could ever express to him how much that means to me. So I tell him about Jasmine. About her coming in to do the books at her uncle’s bar or using one of his tables to do school work during the quieter shifts. How I started requesting those quiet shifts just to see her.

“You liked her,” he surmises.

“She had an asshole boyfriend and she’s, you know.” I shrug. “She’s got her shit together. She’s getting her freaking MBA. She works like three different jobs and goes to school. She’s driven and she’s got all these goals.” I shake my head. “Completely out of my league.”

“I take it she broke up with the asshole boyfriend?”

“Uh, yeah.” I give him a sheepish grin. “I took her out that night to try and cheer her up and…yeah.”

“Who’s the prude now?” he mutters, then recognition sparks in his eye.

“Wait, this is the girl you brought to Ruby’s?”

“Yeah. Figured it would be hard to be in a crummy mood at Ruby’s, you know?”

He studies me. “Your grandma talked about her a lot, you know.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I heard all about the group thread. Your parents are as bad as the kids, you know that?”

He waves a hand. “I’m not talking about gossiping or texting. I’m talking about a conversation Ruby and your mom and I had. It was a few weeks after that and we all could tell you were having a rough time. I think you’d just quit that job—”

“At Jasmine’s uncle’s place, yeah.” I shift on my chair, uncomfortable. “It was rough seeing her after that.”

“Because it was awkward?”

“Uh.” I let out an embarrassed snort. “More because she told me it was just a one-time thing and she wasn’t interested in seeing me again.”

He looks surprised at that. “Youreallylike this girl.”

I laugh, figuring there’s no point in hiding it now. “I’m freaking crazy about her, Dad. Have been right from the start.”

“And you don’t think she feels the same way?”

It’s hard to say the next part. “She knew about the baby for a month before she told me.”

“She was probably scared,” he reasons.

“I’m sure she was. But…I don’t know. I get the feeling she doesn’t think I’m the kind of guy she can count on for this.” I shake my head. “I mean, why would she?”

“Kid, you gotta stop with that,” he chides. “You want to know why I knew you weren’t really happy working as a bartender? Because you’re one of the most loyal people I’ve ever met. I knew if you were really committed to that career, you’d find a place to stick with.”

I shrug. “Pretty sure it’s the lack of a steady job that makes her doubt me.”

“The lack of a steady job just means you haven’t found something you’re truly interested in. But everything else in your life? Come on, Riv. You work hard and you’re dedicated to the people and things you care about. Of course she can count on you. If she doesn’t know that yet, she’ll figure it out pretty soon.”

I want to believe what he’s saying. I really do. But that old feeling is opening up in my chest, the same one I get where I let myself think about this shit too closely.

“What have I ever really stuck with?” I ask, throat dry.

He raises an eyebrow. “Surfing, for starters. Skateboarding.”

I burst out laughing. “Give me a break, Dad.”

“What? You think getting good at those things didn’t take dedication? I saw the time and effort you put into practice.” A ghost of a grin spreads across his face. “Any time you were learning a new trick you’d be out there on the ramp for hours. Entire days would pass when your mom and I would barely even see you for meals. We had to install lights, for fuck’s sake, you’d be out there so late.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Same thing with surfing. How many days would you be up before sun rise to make sure you got the best waves? You’re not lazy, River. You never have been.”