Page 33 of Good For Me

“But a two-year relationship is a big deal,” she presses. “I’d think you’d be at least a little upset.” She pierces me with her sharp, knowing gaze. “Were you thinking about Kurt when you went out with River?”

I didn’t think of Kurt more than a handful of times that entire night and from the way she’s looking at me, she knows it.

“Maybe I’m just heartless,” I mutter. “Most normal girls would be upset about dumping their boyfriend. I’m clearly emotionally stunted and—”

“Stop.” She demands. “You’re not emotionally stunted. Maybe you have a hard time expressing your feelings sometimes but you’re certainly not heartless.” Her gaze gentles. “You weren’t in love with Kurt.”

“I never should have been with him,” I blurt out, and she nods, looking sad now.

“And we both know why you were.”

We sit in silence for a moment, those words settling on me like a heavy weight. We’ve never talked about it before, but I should have expected my best friend to get it. To understand that my dating Kurt right after my grandpa died was no coincidence.

“Let’s be done with him for now,” she says, waving her hands. “I want to talk some more about the hot sex with River.”

I groan, covering my face. “It was a rebound,” I mutter into my palms. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Bullshit. Youlike himlike him.”

I glare at her between the gaps in my fingers. “You sound thirteen.”

She pries my hands away. “It’s okay to like someone, Jas.”

“Not River,” I blurt out, then immediately feel bad for it.

Her eyebrows lower in confusion. “Why not River?”

“Isn’t it obvious? He’s not right for me.”

“Because he’s a bartender.” There’s a note of defensiveness in her voice, probably related to the fact that she’s a full-time waitress, and I feel even worse.

“I don’t care that he’s a bartender,” I insist. “But I do care that he has no direction. He isn’t reliable. I saw his application when he got hired. This is his seventh bartending job since he turned twenty-one. Seven jobs in two years.”

She winces. “Okay, so he’s not the most professionally committed person. But wouldn’t that be a nice change over Kurt? That guy literally never stopped working. Even his leisure time was all about networking.”

“It’s not just the job,” I say. “He’s a player. He’s never dated anyone. He goes out every night he’s not working and he surfs every morning. His whole life is one giant party.”

Her eyebrow goes up. “I thought you said you barely know him.”

“Maybe not, but I do have eyes. It’s pretty easy to see how it is.”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm, what?” I snap.

“I think he freaks you out because he reminds you of you.”

A bark of laughter erupts from my chest. “He’s nothing like me.”

“Maybe not you right now, but the you that you used to be.”

Well, that shuts me up real quick. There’s a long pause where my best friend just watches me, knowing she’s right.

“I can’t be that girl again, Brie,” I whisper. “You know I can’t. I’ve come too far.”

She raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “And you think dating a party guy would send you spiraling back to your wild child days?”

“Maybe? I don’t think it’s something I should be risking.”