Page 136 of Good For Me

Suddenly, Jas is pushing my hand away and jumping up from the bed, moving way faster than I’ve seen since she started to get bigger. She faces me, breathing hard, her eyes blazing. “Of course she can ruin this!” she cries.

I sit up. “How? She has nothing to do with our baby—”

She laughs, the sound so bitter and awful that I want to cover my ears. Jasmine has the best laugh—she should never sound like this.

“She has to do withme,” she says. “I’m her kid.”

I stare at her, not sure what she’s trying to say. “But you’re nothing like her.”

“I could be!” she cries. “You have no idea what I’ll be like as a mother.”

“You won’t be like her.” There’s no question in my mind. I almost want to laugh, the idea is so preposterous, but I don’t think that will do much to help her mood.

“That’s easy for you to say,” she argues. “Your mother is perfect.”

“Jas—”

“Seriously, River, do you have any idea how lucky you are?”

“I do,” I say softly, rising from the bed. I approach her slowly, not wanting to scare her off. “And our baby is going to be just as lucky. Because you’re going to be a great mom.”

“I didn’t even want him!” she yells, her voice breaking.

“But you do now. That’s all that matters.”

She’s not listening to me though. She’s pacing around the room, her eyes wild. She looks nothing like herself. I just want to pull her into my arms and hold tight, to comfort and soothe her until the pain in her face goes away.

“You know what my mom always told me about getting pregnant?” she asks. “She always said it was the worst thing that ever happened to her. ThatIwas the worst thing that ever happened to her.”

Jesus. I’m struck by the sudden urge to punch a hole through the wall. She never should have heard words like that.

“‘Don’t ever screw up and get pregnant like I did,’ she used to say.” Jas draws in a shaky breath. “I heard her yelling at my grandpa once, after he made her leave. She was trying to get money from him and he wouldn’t let her in the house. She was screaming from the porch, about how he was so high and mighty trying to protect me but she bet I was going to turn out just like her.” A sob ripped from her throat. “And I proved her right.”

“Stop it,” I demand, holding up a hand. “You arenothinglike your mother.”

“I did just what she did! I got pregnant before I finished school. I disappointed my grandfather—”

“He wouldn’t be disappointed, Jas.”

“You don’t know that!” she yells, crying now. “He wanted me to bestable. He wanted me to get a good job and go to school—”

“And you’re doing all those things! Having a baby doesn’t negate any of that!”

She’s shaking her head over and over, tears dripping down her face. “He always told me not to settle down until I was sure. Not to have meaningless relationships. To wait for someone I loved like he loved Grandma.” She squeezes her eyes tight. “This isn’t what he wanted for me.”

My chest constricts. “Do you meanI’mnot what he would have wanted for you?"

Her eyes snap open and she looks at me. And for once, I have no idea what she’s thinking. I can usually read her so well, every thought in those stormy grey eyes. But not right now.

“It’s not about you,” she whispers, but there’s no conviction in her voice. “It’s about me. I’m screwing everything up, River.”

“No, you aren’t. You just had a bad day—”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

My entire body goes cold and I have to swallow several times before I can speak. “What part?”

There’s a beat of silence, the tension stretching so thick I might just vomit. “Any of it,” she finally says.