Page 140 of Wrong For Me

“Are you kidding me?” Leo sounds completely dumbstruck. “You’re the most passionate student I’ve ever seen!”

“I’m not, though. I mean, I want to do well in school.” I glance up at him. “You know I have a competitive streak.”

He snorts but doesn’t say anything, so I go on, careful not to look at my dad. “It’s all been feeling so routine to me. Like it’s something that I just kind of…stumbled into. Like I’m doing it just because I always said I would, not because I really want to.” I take a deep breath. “And the thought of spending four more years in school, plus the years of placements and internships that follow, all of that before I can start practicing, before I can start helping people…” I shake my head. “I’m just not sure anymore.”

“Wow.” Leo still looks shell-shocked. “I guess I just figured, with how hard you work…God, Rose, you’re probably going to win the Williamson Fellowship, you know that, right? Your application blew mine out of the water.”

“I didn’t submit my application.”

His mouth actually drops open as he stares at me, dumbfounded. “You didn’t?”

I shake my head. “That fellowship is part of what made me question things. It’s so much more work, on top of everything else. When I think about taking the position I just feel…tired.” I meet his eyes. “It should go to someone who really wants it. Someone who deserves it.”

He rubs a hand over his face, looking like I just told him they stopped making Swiss Cake Rolls or something—shocked and more than a little dismayed. “What would you do instead?”

I shrug. “I’m not really sure. Maybe get my master’s in counseling? That would be a lot shorter and I could get out into the field way sooner.”

I finally chance a glance at my dad. I’m so afraid I’m going to see disappointment in his face. Instead, I see an expression that closely mirrors Leo’s. Confusion.

“Why is this the first I’m hearing about this?” he finally asks.

I squirm, feeling uncomfortable. “You always seemed so excited about me getting my PhD.”

His eyes widen with realization. “Rosie. Please tell me you weren’t going through all of this school crap because of me.”

“No.” I squirm some more until Leo places a hand on my knee, rubbing gentle circles to calm me. “Okay, maybe a little.”

“Jesus,” my dad mutters, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “Why would you think I cared about that? I didn’t even finish high school!”

“I know! But you and your brothers…you always made it such a big deal. That I was such a good student, and I was going to get my doctorate. You guys talk about it all the time.”

“Only because we thought it was what you wanted!”

I shrug. “I know it’s mostly a joke, the whole “we love Rosie best” thing that my uncles do…” I take a deep breath, feeling silly. “I know they’re just playing around. It’s just…you guys always seemed so proud of me whenever the subject of school came up.”

My dad stares at me. “You think we were proud of you forthat?”

“Um…yeah?”

My dad closes his eyes. “Jesus,” he mutters again.

“Dad—”

His eyes fly open. “If I knew your uncles carrying on like that was going to make you feel pressured, I would have put a stop to it a long time ago.”

“They don’t make me feel pressured,” I argue.

“Wellsomethingis obviously making you feel that way if you were willing to commit to eight years of college just to make us proud. Shit, Rose.”

He leans closer, taking my hands in his, serious blue eyes locked on mine. “Baby girl, we are not proud of you because of some stupid degree. Me and your mom, your aunts and uncles, all your cousins, your siblings—we’re proud of you because you’reyou. Your uncles don’t make a fuss over you because you’re a good student. They make a fuss because you’re sweet and kind and loyal and you’ve been making all of our lives so much brighter since the day you were born.”

I have to blink rapidly to keep the tears in my eyes from overflowing. But when he continues, I have no chance of stopping the flood. “Why do you think they all had so many kids? Once you showed up, you taught us a whole new kind of love, Rosie girl. We all wanted more of it.”

Yeah, definitely crying now.

“Shut up,” I mutter to Leo as he wraps an arm around my shoulder, and his low chuckle fills my ear as I hurriedly wipe at the tears escaping my eyes.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” he insists. “I think it’s cute when you’re weepy.”