Page 35 of Sing For Me

Eva

Ican’t say that it’s easy to be led around the room by Haylee Hunt to make small talk with scary industry insiders, but it’s a hell of a lot more comfortable than it would have been on my own.

Truth be told, this wasnevermy favorite part of the job. Put me on a stage and I turn into a spotlight-craving showoff with a very healthy ego. One-on-one in a room full of people? That’s a totally different skill set, one I hadn’t quite managed to hone even before everything went to shit.

And after that, interpersonal communication became next to impossible.

But Will was right about his aunt’s charm. She has a way of smoothing over all the edges, keeping the conversation flowing, putting the people around her at ease—or terrifying them into submission. Maybe it’s the absolute self-assurance she seems to exude. Maybe it’s a continuation of her stage presence. Maybe it’s just years of practice in this industry.

Whatever it is, I’m kind of in awe of her.

Even so, I feel myself shutting down after twenty minutes or so. I forgot how difficult it is, keeping myselfonfor other people. I can feel the nerves starting to seep back in through the cracks, my chest tightening as familiar unease settles in my belly.

There are too many people in this room. And it’s far too dimly lit. If something bad were to happen, chaos would descend faster than anyone could guess. We would be trapped and—

Stop.

But once those ideas creep in, they’re difficult to get rid of. I find myself seeking out the exit signs, checking them over and over, my mind mapping out the best way to escape in case disaster strikes.

There’s not going to be any disaster,I tell myself.You’re at a fucking black-tie charity event in a Hollywood ballroom, for God’s sake.

But if there’s one thing I’ve had to learn the hard way, it’s that disaster doesn’t give a shit. If it wants to come crashing down on you, it will. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

We leave the group we’ve been chatting with and I realize, belatedly, that I don’t remember saying goodbye. Sometimes I manage to go through the motions even when my brain is spinning like this, and I cross my fingers I didn’t come across as too nuts.

“You look about ready to wrap it up,” Haylee says, and my stomach clenches. She can tell I’m freaking. Great.

“Did I…” my throat feels dry. Who had we been talking to just now? The CEO of MTV had been in one of the groups we’d met. Was it that one? Had I gone half-comatose in front of him?

“Eva?” Haylee asks, taking my hand. I realize that my breath is coming in short pants.

“Did I seem out of it just now?” I manage to gasp out. “In front of those people? Was I—”

She squeezes my hand, hard. “You were just fine, sweetheart.”

“But… but you said… and sometimes I—”

“Eva, listen to me.” Her voice is clear in my ear. “You were fine. I noticed you seemed a little tired, but it’s only because I’ve been where you are.” I look over and meet her blue eyes, warm and understanding in the dim light of the ballroom. “No one else would have guessed anything was wrong, okay? I promise.”

I take a deep breath, trying to let her words permeate the clanging panic in my head.

“Good,” she murmurs. “Just like that. Breathe.”

I should probably feel like an absolute idiot right now, losing my shit in front of one of my idols. Haylee Hunt is reminding me tobreathe, for fuck’s sake. But there’s something too familiar in her eyes. She said she’s been where I’m at and in this moment, I believe her. And that makes it all feel so much easier.

“Thank you,” I say, squeezing her hand back. “I can’t tell you how much it helped me to have company while I did that.”

She smiles. “Anytime, girl.” She releases my hand to form a fist, holding it out for me to bump with mine. “Rock chicks have to stick together.”

I snort out a laugh at that. “I don’t think anyone has ever called me a rock chick before.” Pop princess was the usual moniker people threw my way, not always kindly.

“Your first few albums, it’s easy to let them mold you,” she says, shrugging. “But you have the pipes for rock music. Hell, you have the pipes for any kind of music you want. Give yourself some time to grow into whatever you’re supposed to be.”

“You’re kind of my hero,” I blurt out, blushing crimson when I realize what I’ve said.

Haylee laughs, slinging an arm around my shoulder. “I knew I liked you. Come on, let’s go find your man.”

I stumble a little as she begins to pull me away. “Oh, he’s not… Will and I… I barely know him. He did a tattoo for me a few weeks ago and… we’re friends. I guess.”