Page 38 of Brave Truth

“I don’t have the best perspective on myself.” Claudio pointed out, then he leaned back against the bit of wall behind him. It got Matty to edge a hair closer. He didn’t know how to ask the next thing, but he knew he needed to say something. “You, though. Fresh eyes on— gods, how long has that been so awful?” Then, daring, he said, “Why are we in here?”

“Because,” There was a sucked in breath, a little arch of his shoulders, but he didn’t shift his hands, not yet. “I desperately want to kiss you. And I’m not. Won’t. You don’t want it. But it’d show if we were out there. It’d shine.” His words got a little faster, more urgent, as he went, something in them pulling Claudio along into them like the purest bit of Incantation magic he’d seen or felt. Matty was working so hard not to do anything Claudio didn’t want. And now, here, like lightning striking, he did want.

But there was something he had to say first. He knew if he didn’t, it’d shatter everything beyond mending. This moment was so fragile, as delicate as any bit of crisis he’d ever been near, and there had been plenty of those. He sucked in a breath, then said. “I— can you hold that thought for just a couple of sentences? Need to say something before—” His own voice caught. “Before we do.”

Matty’s eyes went wider at that. There was a stronger pull at his shoulders, as if he were wrestling himself into submission. Then he rocked back just a hair. “Go ahead. Please. Whatever you need to say.”

Now, he had to. He owed Matty that. He owed himself that. Claudio owed the Tower that, in as much as an archetypal concept could be owed anything. He took a breath, calling on every scrap of composure and control he had left. “What I’ve been circling is making a challenge for the Council. In August. We can talk more about what it means, after. But I needed to tell you before. In case it changes anything for you.”

“Gods,” Matty rocked back on his heels a bit. “Why— no. It can wait. It can wait?” He checked it again, and Claudio nodded three times, jerking his chin and watching Matty the entire time. “Actually, I think that makes me want to kiss you more. Need to, maybe.”

“Kiss me, then,” He managed a quick breath. “Show me.” It wasn’t an order. He never wanted to give an order, well, not without talking that through rather a lot more. He certainly didn’t have time now, because fast as fire, Matty’s hands were on either side of his head, framing, as Matty leaned forward, wide-eyed.

“Sure?” It was the fiercest whisper he’d ever heard. Claudio just managed a nod, and then Matty was right there, his left hand coming around the back of Claudio’s head, the better to sense the angle. There were lips, then heat, and any sense of thought or analysis fled. Claudio felt himself arching up against the wall, an unbearable tension rising in him. Matty pursued it eagerly and demandingly, as if he were on the hunt. Skilled at the hunt, as skilled as he was at his work.

And oh, Claudio wanted to lose himself in that. Competence, this kind of sheer demanding competence, was like everything he’d learned to love with Orion. There was no false move, no hint of hesitation now that Matty had permission. Claudio could hear himself groaning, now, a whimper as there was a chance for a breath.

Then, though Matty didn’t move his hands, there was a pressure against his body. Something warm and strong— so strong, unshakeably strong. Matty didn’t try to grind or change that pressure once it was there, but it was just the two of them, ignoring every other bit of the world. It occurred to Claudio, finally, that he had two hands that were doing absolutely nothing. He shifted carefully to bring one to the middle of Matty’s back and against his shoulder, and that just encouraged everything.

Finally, panting, Matty pulled back. “More. Gods. I want more.”

Claudio pulled his hand away to wipe his forehead— he was suddenly dripping with sweat. As he did, he banged his elbow on something, a broom handle by the shape, and grunted, then let his head fall back against the wall with a soft thump. He closed his eyes for a moment, then when he opened them, Matty was watching him intently. “All right?”

“Yes.” There were things that ought to be said in the aftermath of passion. He’d listened to Isembard talk it through with Orion, all the parts that were manners and consideration and encouragement for more good times. They’d entirely flown out of his head now. Claudio sucked in a breath, trying to figure out what to say.

“You said Cammie had comments about broom closets. Are you going to tell her you have some new experiences?” It had a definite teasing tone to it, and Matty’s expression backed that up. When he wasn’t being professional, he had quite a mobile face, dancing eyes, eyebrows that arched, and a dimple at one side when he smiled, like he was now.

Claudio let his head shift. “Mmm. I’m thinking we should go somewhere private, talk through a thing or two. And then give me some more new experiences once we’ve figured out where to start?” There, that covered what was necessary.

Matty’s eyes lit up. “Right.” He pushed back from the wall, finally, and cast a charm before asking, “You know the charm to, um, hide the obvious interest?”

“Been well taught.” He glanced down and added. “Never needed it before, mind, not since I was seventeen and my body stopped thinking everything was interesting, even if it was, y’know, a bit of slightly suggestive art. Actual art.” He glanced at the door. “How do we get out of this closet and— where are we going?”

“My flat?” Matty ran his fingers through his hair, tidying, then peered at Claudio. “You look fine once your breath slows a little. I should be envious, but I like looking at you, so I shan’t bother with envy. Waste of time and energy.” He then glanced at the door. “How about I go out, get my things, and if there’s no one in the hall, I’ll knock and you can come out?”

It was a perfectly fine plan, and Claudio nodded. “That.” He waited for Matty to disappear, and the additional minute or two gave him a chance to get back in control of himself enough for the moment.

Chapter 26

A few minutes later

Matthew opened the door to the flat, gesturing Claudio in. “Don’t have much handy for supper. Little bread and dripping.” They had managed to make it back without making a show of it.

Claudio’s unshakeable self-control had been a tremendous help. He’d kept up a cheerful conversation about his plans for the week. There was supper with his friends on Thursday, with the Edgartons on Friday, a notable gap in his schedule on Saturday, and his usual routine on Sunday. He’d commented— remarkably coherently— about something he’d been reading that had referenced a book on Matthew’s shelf. And he’d made it look easy. Matthew was entirely envious, but he couldn’t deny how useful it was.

Now, though, they didn’t have to keep doing that. Claudio immediately took a couple of steps through the kitchen, then said. “Sofa, to start? It really would be sensible to do the talking part first.” First, however, decidedly implied there might be other things later, and Matthew was certainly highly interested in that. The entire flurry in the broom closet had just made it crystal clear to him how far he’d gone already, and that there was no way back. Not that he wanted one.

“Sofa.” Without other guidance, he rummaged for two bottles of beer, opened them, and brought them along. He turned on the lamp as Claudio settled on the sofa, one side of the middle. After only a tiny hesitation, Matthew sat on the other side, close enough that their knees touched. He looked down, then back at Claudio’s face, and offered the beer.

“Hey,” Claudio reached out his free hand, resting it on Matthew’s knee. “You nervous I’m going to change my mind?”

“You’ve never done this before. Not with a man. Not really with anyone much?” His voice tilted up on the last word, and Claudio nodded encouragingly. “You must have thought about some of it. I know you enough for that. But you’re— and the Council Challenge.” His voice failed at that point.

Claudio left his hand there, reaching to put the beer down, then coming back, utterly focused now. That should have felt uncomfortable, but it didn’t. Matthew wanted to roll in it, forever. Then he said just one thing. “Matty.”

It was like one of the great bells at the top of the Temple of Healing ringing. The one that chimed the hour, but was also an alarm bell when it was needed. The sound was felt, not just heard. Matthew— maybe he was Matty now— felt his eyes go wide, and then Claudio repeated it. “Matty. That tell you enough about what I want to start? To be someone who calls you that, who lives up to calling you that?”

He hadn’t expected this. Even after the broom closet, after the way everything had been far better than he’d dreamed. He inhaled. “Matty.” His voice half-cracked. “You don’t know what people call us.”