Page 36 of One Day at a Time

ORLA

‘Are you sure you want to know, sweetheart?’ Orla’s mum had been holding her hand while the midwife, Candy, had run the ultrasonic scan probe across her belly. This was the second scan she’d had now. The first had been hastily rearranged, because it was supposed to have been on the day she found out about Kyle’s affair. And now, two months later, they were back again, and she’d already decided that nothing in her life would ever come close to the exhilaration of hearing her baby’s heartbeat.

‘You okay there, Orla?’ Candy asked, noticing that she hadn’t answered her mum’s question.

Orla had only ever done a brief rotation on a paediatric unit as a student nurse, so prior to this, she’d had no idea how the NHS pregnancy process worked. It had been a massive relief when she’d met Candy on her first antenatal care appointment and the midwife had told her that she’d be her main point of contact throughout the whole process. She’d explained that like many midwives, she was also a trained sonographer, so she’d be performing Orla’s scans too. So far, Candy had answered a thousand questions and seen her laugh, cry, and if she’d registeredthe underlying tension that still sat between her and Kyle, she’d been too professional to show it. She’d also been gracious enough to let Orla’s mum come into the scan room with them this morning for this check-in.

‘I’m okay, thanks,’ Orla answered with a whisper, her gaze going to Kyle, sitting in the corner, as she tried to make a decision on her mum’s original question. ‘Do we definitely want to know?’ she asked him.

They’d had the discussion about finding out the gender of the baby several times over the last week, but their answer had changed depending on the day.

Kyle gave an uncertain half shrug. ‘I think so, but it’s up to you. I’m good with whatever you decide.’

Whatever she decided. Really? Because she was pretty sure she hadn’t decided that it was okay for him to sleep with someone else.

She pushed the thought from her head, trying desperately not to let it take the joy from this moment, but she’d be lying if she said that was easy. Every day, she was reminded that this should be a time of nothing but pure excitement and bliss, and yet that silent, sickening realisation was always there, just sucking some of the air out of her lungs and some of the happiness out of her heart. Right now, she should be excitedly planning gender reveals and colour schemes for the nursery and yet it was all she could do to look at him and not want to hate him for what he’d done, and then hate herself for not being able to let the resentment go.

She’d toyed with the idea of tracking down the mysterious Demi, but in the end, she’d let that one go. What purpose would that serve? What was the point of going backwards when they really needed to move forwards? Her pregnancy so far had been just one long exercise in growing a wonderful new lifewhile trying not to give in to the pain of what he’d done to them.

She could do this. She could. The baby came first. That was all that mattered. And she thanked all the fates that her mum was here to hold her hand.

‘Yes, I’d like to know.We’dlike to know.’ She didn’t have a boy or girl preference, but, somehow, she felt that knowing the gender of the baby would make it more real.

‘Okay, then let’s see…’ Candy said, as she moved the probe around, paused, moved it again, paused. ‘Congratulations, Ferguson family, you’re going to have…’

Orla stopped breathing and her mum’s hand tightened around hers.

‘…A baby girl.’

At which point, Orla promptly burst into tears. A girl. She was going to have a daughter.Theywere going to have a daughter.

Her mum held Orla’s hand up to her own face and kissed it. ‘A girl. Och, that’s marvellous, my darling. Congratulations to you both.’

‘A girl, babe.’ Orla heard the catch in Kyle’s voice and she wanted to reach for him, to hold him, to punch the air and screech with happiness, but something other than the fact that she was lying on a table and strapped up to a monitor was holding her back. Self-protection, maybe. Resentment, still. He’d begged her for forgiveness and she’d told him that she could put it behind them, but it wasn’t the full truth. If she’d been honest, she would have said that it still ate away at her but that her need to keep calm and positive for her baby overruled her devastation that he’d cheated. That’s why she put her free hand on the side of her belly and sent her daughter,their daughter, a silent hello while she cried.

Candy was obviously used to emotional reactions, because while the scan images were printing, she handed Orla a tissue for the tears, put the probe back on its hook and then cleaned Orla’s belly with a wipe.

‘Okay, Orla, that’s you all set. The date of your next appointment will be sent out to you in the next few days. And congratulations again. I’m looking forward to taking care of both you and your little girl.’

A girl.

An hour ago, they’d walked into the maternity wing of the hospital with only the knowledge that she was pregnant. Now, they were walking out with thoughts of girls’ names and baby clothes and birthday parties with a dozen little girls singing and dancing. And boys too. Their girl would definitely be inviting the whole class.

Outside, the shower that had made them run towards the entrance of the hospital earlier had stopped, and the sun had come out, so they paused for a moment to coordinate their plans.

Kyle kissed her on the cheek. ‘I need to get back to work, babe, but I’m so proud of you and our girl.’

She wanted to take that at face value, to feel the surge of excitement and bliss that the moment deserved. And she managed to do that, at least outwardly, as she waved him off with a huge smile. Inwardly, though, her mind was going to so many completely different places.

Was he really going to work? Or was he nipping off to tell Demi the good news?

A girl… Could he really be trusted with their daughter’s heart when he’d been so careless with hers? How would he feel in the future if some cheating arse was unfaithful to her daughter?Their daughter. Would he be furious or would he chalk it up to just being one of life’s little indiscretions?

And was she ever going to be able to experience another moment of happiness in her life without the black cloud of what he’d done sitting over her head, waiting to pour on her?

‘Just keep smiling and wave, darling. You’re doing great,’ her mum said, her hand finding hers again. That’s what she’d been doing for weeks now, smiling despite the huge crack in her heart.

Of course her mum could sense exactly how she was feeling. It had always been that way, and never more so than in the last month that she’d been staying with them. Her mum was furious with Kyle. Disappointed. Horrified. But she’d agreed with Orla that the best way forward was to keep all those negative emotions in a box and focus on the future, so that’s what she’d done. Her mum had stayed out of it altogether, and Orla knew she’d have unravelled at the seams if it hadn’t been for the cool, calm support that her mum had given her every single day.