Page 98 of Darling Girls

Norah had been quite matter-of-fact in her reporting of events to Meera, but Alicia knew her well enough to see how rattled she was. Even though Norah was perhaps the most dangerous person Alicia knew, she was also one of the most vulnerable. And no matter how old they were, Alicia would never be able to turn off her instinct to protect her sister. Neither would Jessica, she knew.

‘Kevin messed with the wrong girl,’ Meera said evenly. ‘And we’re gonna nail his arse to the wall.’

Despite everything, Alicia smiled. ‘Is that a promise?’

Meera smiled back. ‘Have I ever let you down?’

‘No,’ Alicia said. ‘Which makes me feel so much worse.’

She sank onto the bed, which she was planning to offer to Meera for the night. It was the least she could do. ‘I’m so sorry about all of this. You really got more than you bargained for when you came here. Dysfunctional sisters, criminal charges, a run-in with my monster of a former foster mother.’

Meera remained standing. ‘It makes sense,’ she said thoughtfully.

Alicia wasn’t sure what she was referring to. There were so many possibilities. ‘What makes sense?’

‘The fact that kindness, or hearing anyone say nice things to you, would make you cry, after the childhood you had.’

Alicia didn’t respond.

‘When cruelty becomes familiar in your tender, adolescent years, of course you start to become comfortable with it. You believe you deserve it. But you don’t.’

Now Meera sat down on the bed too. Alicia risked a look at her. It was a mistake. Her brown eyes were too warm, too full of understanding. Tears began to well in Alicia’s eyes immediately.

‘What I’m telling you is nothing you haven’t told a hundred foster kids, Al. And you know what else you tell them? That they will learn to become familiar with kindness if they open their hearts to it.’

Alicia looked at the carpet. It was very hard to shrug Meera off when she was speaking the truth. Alicia thought of all the foster kids she’d worked with who’d been unable to process kindness. One of her long-term cases, a teenage boy called Marco, used to punch himself in the face reflexively every time someone gave him a compliment. Marco had done quite well in therapy. The last time she saw him, she’d told him it was good to see him, and he’d grinned in response.

‘I know you’re not a fan of therapy,’ Meera said. ‘But if it helps you to move forward, isn’t it worth it? It’s going to be pretty hard to have a relationship if I can’t ever say a nice word to you.’

Alicia glanced up in surprise. ‘A . . . relationship?’

‘Yours and mine,’ Meera clarified. ‘Our relationship. And all your other relationships, I guess. It can only be a good thing, right?’

Alicia stared at her. Surely, after everything that had happened, Meera wasn’t sticking around? There was only so much a person could take, right?

Alicia opened her mouth to tell Meera this, but her throat clogged with tears. Meera tugged her shoulder, and Alicia fell against her, heaving.

‘You are beautiful, Alicia,’ she said. ‘Kind. Loving. Smart.’ She paused, and Alicia felt her smile. ‘And it has to be said, I fuckingloveyour right breast.’

She was still crying when they began kissing, and when Meera started to peel off Alicia’s clothes. This time, she cried and cried . . . but she didn’t push Meera away.

Afterwards, lying with her head on Meera’s shoulder, Alicia felt bone-tired. Yet sleep wouldn’t come. It was as if there were a fly in the room; something was buzzing around in her head and she yearned to swat it away.

‘What is it?’ Meera asked, when Alicia finally sat up.

‘It’s Jessica.’ Alicia turned on the lamp. ‘I’m worried about her. She didn’t seem herself tonight. I want to check on her.’

Meera patted her leg and smiled. ‘Go on,’ she said. ‘Go check.’

Walking into the living room, Alicia bumped into Norah.

‘What the hell?’ Alicia cried. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Checking on Jessica.’

‘You too?’

Norah nodded. ‘She doesn’t seem right. She won’t be asleep . . . let’s go talk to her.’