Page 28 of Darling Girls

‘Did you guys leave these here?’ she whispered.

Jessica shrugged. ‘You looked like you needed them.’

Alicia did need them. Dinner had been soup with no bread and no croutons. At home, it would have been a starter. She tore open the packet of biscuits and stuffed them in her mouth a few at a time.

‘But where did they come from?’

‘We have our ways,’ Norah said, propping herself on one elbow.

‘Thank you,’ Alicia said through a mouthful of crumbs. ‘It means a lot.’

‘So, Alicia,’ Norah said, ‘do you know any more jokes?’

Alicia swallowed. ‘Only about a million,’ she said, before pouring the remains of the packet into her mouth.

‘Tell us,’ Norah said eagerly.

Alicia lay back against the pillow. ‘Why does the man eat shoe polish before he goes to sleep?’ she asked.

‘Why?’ the girls asked in unison. Even Jessica looked eager, eyes fixed on Alicia.

‘So he can rise and shine!’

Jessica rolled her eyes and let out a softha. Thirty seconds later, Norah laughed. ‘Another.’

‘What do you call a sleepwalking nun?’ Alicia asked.

‘What?’

‘A roamin’ Catholic.’

‘More!’

Alicia continued. With each joke, the length of time between the punchline and Norah’s laughter reduced. And while Jessica didn’t laugh out loud, she was grinning broadly, hardly glancing towards the door anymore. It wasn’t much, but after the day she’d had, Alicia was prepared to call it a win.

Another week passed and still Alicia heard nothing from Grammy. The only thing distracting her from worry was her hunger. She spent her days obsessing about her next meal and planning what she would eat once she was home at Grammy’s. She spent her nights trying to sleep through the rumble in her belly.

Norah and Jessica slipped her something every now and again – apparently they were running a homework racket that earned them some money and extra food – but it wasn’t enough. They seemed to cope with the hunger much better than she did. Alicia’s interior voice reminded her of this often. She was the only one who had the problem. Shewasa glutton. It undid her after a while – the hunger, the self-loathing. She became cranky, teary. Desperate.

One night, as she lay in bed unable to sleep, her hunger overcame her. She couldn’t relax, couldn’t think straight. It was as close as Alicia had ever come to feeling possessed – one minute she was lying in bed, the next she was out of bed and creeping downstairs in the darkness.

In the kitchen, she threw open every cupboard, every drawer. It wasn’t rational. She knew Miss Fairchild didn’t stock snacks – no Pop-Tarts, or crisps, or Savoy biscuits – but hope was a cruel thing. She fantasised about stumbling across a stash of hidden treats that had been forgotten. When she didn’t find one, she settled for a box of cornflakes, stuffing great handfuls into her mouth. Finally she tipped her head back and poured the cereal straight into her mouth, trying to fill the ravenous hole inside.

It was only when the box was empty that she considered the consequences of her actions.

Miss Fairchild was right. She was aglutton.

She did her best to clean up the spillage, then crept back upstairs and slid back into bed. When the girls roused, she ignored their questions, too ashamed to tell them what she’d done. Besides, they’d know soon enough.

Miss Fairchild was waiting at the table when they came down the next morning, showered, dressed and made-up, with not a hair out of place. The expression on her face was enough to make Alicia want to puke. Norah and Jessica sat in their usual spots, looking confused. The empty box of cereal was on the table.

‘Someone had a midnight feast, I see,’ Miss Fairchild said, her voice soft.

Alicia had never longed for Grammy more in her life. She slid into her seat and hung her head. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You made quite the mess of the pantry,’ Miss Fairchild continued. ‘What did you eat with, a shovel?’

Alicia assumed it was a rhetorical question, but when she didn’t respond Miss Fairchild repeated herself. ‘Alicia? I saidwhat did you eat with?’