Page 147 of Demon's Beauty

“Wasting your time on work for the priestesses?” Esme helpfully supplies, and I grimace.

“Sorry. That’s not what I—”

“It’s a problem,” she says, surprising me. “One that’s needed to be curtailed for a long time.”

“Is there a reason it hasn’t?”

Okay, well. So much for not pushing luck.

But again, Esme must be in a generous mood today, because she floors me with her honesty.

“And what?” she asks with a snort. “Piss off the council and wreak havoc amongst the ranks? Priestesses get comfortable with certain expectations once they’ve Ascended.”

“Maybe they shouldn’t. Isn’t that the entire purpose of Ascending? So we can be of service to the coven, not the other way around?”

That earns me half a smile, and my confidence soars for a few wonderful moments before it comes crashing right back down.

“So many changes you want to make,” Esme muses, still studying me—not entirely unkindly, but in a way that gives me the distinct impression of being a specimen in a petri dish. “But that would require you to be here. That would require you Ascending and accepting all the commitments that come with priestesshood.”

The commitments that come with priestesshood.

Because it’s all well and good to Ascend and start making changes, but that doesn’t erase the fundamental fact of what Ascension requires.

Not our rules, but the rules of the Goddess.

Whatever magick she uses to bind us to this place during the Ascension ceremony isn’t exactly within our control.

And yet.

Somehow I can’t believe there isn’t room for change there as well.

Isn’t change exactly what Allie brought about when she recast the bargain? When Joan and Seren and all the other witches found their own fated mates instead of having that responsibility fall squarely onto one person’s shoulders?

I don’t know all the answers, don’t know if it’s even possible, but maybe the Goddess plans for me to make some changes, too.

“What do you want, Soleil?”

For the first time, the answer comes to me easily.

“Everything.”

Esme lets out a disapproving little huff through her nose. “And by ‘everything’ I assume you mean—”

“Everything,” I repeat.

The answer doesn’t please her any more the second time, but at this point I hardly care.

It’s on me.

It’s always been on me.

I’ve always had the ability to choose, to challenge, to push back, to embrace the change I’ve always known was needed here.

I just never had the courage.

Not until now, at least.

“I still want to Ascend,” I tell her, barely believing my audacity.