Page 117 of Demon's Beauty

“Intimate,” Joan drawls. “Right.”

Allie rolls her eyes, but sobers once we’re all seated.

“So,” she begins, glancing from me to Marianne and back again. “Want to let me know what’s going on?”

Marianne and I share a look.

“I’d be curious to know, too, Soleil,” she says. “Because no one in the coven seems to have any idea why you left ahead of your Ascension.”

“I didn’t leave,” I protest. “I just… needed a break.”

“A break.”

“Yeah. A break. With all the final exams and work Esme was giving me, it was just… just… I just needed a break.”

Marianne isn’t impressed. “We’re all buried under a mountain of bullshit. And you’re almost out on the other side. Once you Ascend, you get to decide what bullshit you want to handle and what you want to pass off to some poor apprentice.”

“Maybe that’s the problem!” I snap right back. “Maybe I’m sick of the whole damn system and everything the coven represents. Maybe I don’t want to—”

I stop myself before I say the words, but they’re there. Right there. On the tip of my tongue, ready to be spoken, with no way to take them back once I do.

“Okay,” Allie says carefully, “I totally get how charged the situation is. Believe me, I do. And you’re welcome to be here at court for as long as you want.”

“Thanks,” I mumble, flushed and embarrassed about my outburst. “And sorry, I know I’m causing problems with my disappearing act.”

Marianne snorts. “That’s an understatement. If you thought the whole coven was talking about you because of your Ascension, that’s nothing compared to what a hot topic you are now.”

My flush gets deeper.

Goddess.

That’s the last thing I want.

More attention. More drama.

The visibility of becoming a priestess is bad enough, and the thought that I’m now some kind of coven black sheep because I had the audacity to take time for myself to figure things out makes me feel sick.

“You know how it is, though,” Marianne continues, a little more kindly this time. “They’ll move on to something else soon enough. Everyone just loves a bit of gossip.”

“Sounds like more than a bit of gossip,” Joan says sardonically. “And maybe it’s exactly what the coven needs, a witch who bucks expectations and goes against the rules. Maybe it will remind them they do, in fact, have free will they can exercise at any time.”

“I don’t want to be some kind of revolutionary.” I put my elbows on the table and rest my head in my hands. “All I wanted was a little breathing room.”

“Seren will be back tomorrow,” Joan says. “I saw her just before she headed off to her latest job, and she let me know when she’d be back. If, you know, it would be helpful to talk to her.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes a little. Joan and Seren are friends, but I don’t know how much my sister has shared about our longstanding feud.

“All she’d tell me to do is leave the coven.”

“Maybe,” Joan allows. “But you never know.”

I do know. I know because we’ve had the same damn argument for years, but pressing the issue won’t help anything.

“Whatever you do,” Marianne chimes back in, “you’re going to have to face Esme eventually.”

I can’t help it, I groan. “Do I? Maybe she won’t even notice I’m gone.”

Joan snorts. “She noticed when I stopped paying my dues, and I’d barely been in the coven hall for a decade. I think she’ll notice you’ve disappeared, Soleil.”