Page 59 of Bred By Sor'en

“After we release him to the dirt, we will enter a veil of silence for the rest of the day, my mate.”

I just nod.

The rest of the day passes in a blur. I keep my eyes on Jin until the dirt covers him entirely, then I watch my mate as he shovels the garden. His long, lean bulk flexing and twisting in practiced heaves. I listen to the murmured prayers from his tongue, on his labored breath. I can’t decipher the meaning of his prayer. I don’t speak the language, but they balm something within me. It doesn’t make it hurt less, but perhaps it’s a little less terrifying. Maybe there’s a little less guilt associated with the death.

It feels good to do the right thing. To see it through in a way I never have before.

A closure I likely never will.

When we get back home, as he said, we don’t speak. My mate feeds and washes me, my eyes lingering on my swelling stomach, wondering if he knows. How to even tell him. By the time I’m dried and clean, Sor’en having protected my hair from dryer, I’m lying in bed and wrapped in his arms. As he promised, he didn’t put me to sleep. The only oil smoothed over my skin was the tingling one that I love so much. I spread it over my belly before a blanket of shadow covers us both, Melion snuggling deeper into me than he ever has before.

twenty-nine

Sor’en

I’m picking up cuttings and stripping the stems, my cutters wound tightly in my palm. Back at our home, I know my data pad rings with warning after vile warning and threat bleeding into assurances and promises.

I have gathered a lot over the years on General Adder; he knows this. Knows his favorite toy is now not behaving as it was conditioned to. It’s not just about losing an asset, a weapon, of course not. It stopped being that simple ages ago. He was looking forward to retirement anyway, having long paid his dues to the Intergalactic Military. It was about his house of beloved cards, and how they’re on the edge of crumbling. It’s that there is a being alive now, in the universe, with the knowledge it would take to ruin him, and it wouldn’t even take a fraction of what I possess. A legacy he spent orbits building. A reputation of fear that keeps the others he wronged along the path of vitriolaway. Without his death-touch monster at his side during those dealings, the shadow in the night who wipes away his enemies' minds, they will come knocking. There will be debts to be paid. Sores to settling with creatures who have long memories.

Mine is among the forefront.

My eyes drift toward the dome, taking more hits than I have ever seen before. Our dome is strong, our males even stronger, but I have no doubt what happened over a kintic ago now was a test run. Adder wanted to know if the Grux'et poachers could get them in. They did. Giving them Alliance-branded tech was either exceptionally stupid or exceptionally bold. He wanted me to know that he knew precisely where I was and what I had to lose. That, without risking her life, I have nowhere else to run. My years of flying under the radar of governing groups were done with his shield strapped to my back. His lies and money were my cloak. I could try to leave my planet, sure. Might even make it an orbit or two, but I would be found, if not by him then by happenstance, by someone with enough prejudice to shoot on sight.

Hue would be nothing more than collateral.

Something soft plops down around my head, making my attention snap up to find the smiling face of my mate above me. Above the… crown of flowers she just placed on my head.

“It suits you, botanist,” she quips. “I think you’re in dire need of a uniform change.”

And with nothing more than that smile, my chest unknots, that rage that was building slides to the back of my mind once again as I gather her into my arms, forcing her into my lap. Tilting my head side-to-side, soaking in the warmth of her giggles as I model the crown for her. “Yes, I am feeling very pretty now that you mention it.”

“But what would the Balla’mar think? We shouldn’t outshine his wonderful robes.”

I growl and mock a snap at her neck. “You do not worry for other males.”

She leans forward, kissing me suddenly, making my entire body fill with a lax warmth that could sate me for a lifetime.

It has been nearly three limtics since Jin’rayal passed, and at first, I was quite worried she would never recover. My mate barely ate, spending all her time at his grave with Melion. Something occurred between them then as well. He became something of a steadying hand for her, and on that second limtic, when she announced she wanted to go into the center to atone for her imbalance, our Vena’lel’s pride had nearly outshone my own. He has only recently gone back to spending his nights with the spirits in the fields instead of wrapped around our mate.

Of course, our people had thought her apology unnecessary, knowing she is from a different culture that does not think the way we do. Death here is a beautiful passing from one state into the next, but for most, it is so shrouded in mystery that the worst of our imaginations, the most pungent of our fears, take hold. Wearedeath, born to it, grown from it.

It is simply another step in life.

And now my mate smiles.

She plays and has come alive in ways I had not thought possible. I believe she grieved more than just the grumpy old male out there in the field.

I am not foolish enough to think she has forgotten her desire to leave, to lay her mother to rest. The research I did on Nysharil culture has helped me to understand much, painfully so. At the very least, now her distance does not feel like such a wound. I still will not allow her to go.

Not when Adder awaits in the stars. Not when I am what I am. I cannot sully my soul further by being his lackey of pain. Not when I am so entwined with another. My darkness cannottouch my mate. I cannot leave her either, risking going mad on a crowded vessel. Where one target could quickly turn into one thousand. Then ten, should I never find her within my soul again.

I’m holding her tighter, letting her nestle and love on me with the kind of affection that would drive me to commit travesties in her name should she only look upon me with those stunning eyes and desire it.

I see it, though, the moment she sobers. Taking a deep breath through her small human lungs. “It was mine, Sor’en.”

I frown. “I have been careful not to destroy any further garments you enjoy.”

She huffs. “No, I’m not talking about clothes… the pee flower from Jin’s tent.”