Page 39 of Ride or Die

“I bought fake plates from some guy off the internet…” I huff a laugh. “God, for all I know they’re not even fake and probably easier to trace than the old ones, but as soon as we got out of town, I pulled over and swapped them over. I was going to sell the car, but… I need a car and I know I’ll never get enough money fromthatshit box to buy something half-decent.” I tip my chin in the direction of my SUV, heaving a sigh.

“Can I ask you somethin’?”

I look at Cole, but he doesn’t meet my eyes. “Yes.”

“You sure he ain’t ever hurt the kids?” He lifts his chin then, his gaze softening when his eyes meet mine. I don’t know why, but something in his tone when he asks me that causes my heart to clench.

“I’m sure,” I say, a little less certain than I hope I sound. “Why?”

“Just somethin’ that happened with Tommy the other night in the barn…”

I stare at him, trying to get a read on what he’s not telling me, dread roiling in my stomach. “What… what h-happened? Did he say something?”

“He didn’t say nothin’,” Cole says, touching my arm to placate my sudden unease and I release the breath I’ve barely been able to hold onto.

“When Tommy walked into the barn, he startled me. I stood up too quick and banged the back of my head on the dang hood of the truck,” Cole continues. “He was scared, and so sorry, and flinchin’ like I was about to… I don’t know… retaliate or somethin’.” He shakes his head. “I’ve seen that reaction beforebecause… well, that was me when I was his age. I tried to ask if Billie’s daddy had ever hurt him, but before he could tell me anythin’, Billie woke up screamin’ from her nightmare.”

“In the five years we were with Cain, I-I never saw a bruise on that boy’s body, I swear to God,” I say, shaking my head vehemently. “I was meticulous with checking both TommyandBillie to make sure. I’d have killed him if I knew he ever laid a finger on either of my babies.”

“Hey, breathe,” Cole suddenly says, shifting to fully face me.

And it’s only then that I realize I’m on the verge of some sort of panic attack, like I can’t get enough air into my lungs. The sheer thought of anyone hurting my children invokes this unbridled fierceness to unfurl inside of me. My hands tremble. My heart races. I see nothing but red as the need to find that asshole and slit his goddamn throat rages through me.

“Clara, look at me.” Cole’s hand cups the side of my face, forcing me to look at him, and when I do, I’m caught by the look of concern that flashes in his eyes. “Just breathe, darlin’. Please.”

I do as he says, breathing in a hard breath through my nose, holding onto it for a few seconds before releasing it and closing my eyes, fresh tears falling.

“I hate him so much,” I whisper under my breath, breaking down.

“Hey, c’mere,” Cole murmurs, a strong arm wrapping around me and pulling me close. “Shhh, I got you. It’s okay.” He rubs slow circles over my back as I cry against his chest, gripping his T-shirt tight and soaking it through.

“You’re safe here,” he whispers into my hair. “I promise I ain’t ever gonna let anything happen to y’all.”

And I don’t know why, or how, but the way he says the words, so low like he hadn’t meant for me to hear them, I can’t help but believe that Cole means every single one.

CHAPTER 14

COLE

As I stand in the lineup in the center of the arena, hat held against my chest while some perky blonde dressed in a sparkly rhinestone onesie murders “The Star-Spangled Banner”, I ain’t even pretending to sing. I ain’t even thinking about Broiler, the biggest goddamn bull on tonight’s schedule that I was unlucky enough to pick. I ain’t worrying about falling wrong. Nope. My mind is on nothing but Clara.

The way she cried against my chest last night. It wasn’t the first time, but just like the last time, I didn’t know what the hell to do so I held onto her and I let her cry, all while anger festered on the inside.

Once Clara had cried all her tears out, we sat for a long, silent moment, my arm still around her, holding her close. I could feel the way her body felt lighter, less tense, like she’d just let something go. And if I can be the one to ease away the pain that’s taken up residence in her body over the years of surviving that monster, then she can cry on my shoulder any goddamn time she needs.

When I left Clara last night, I didn’t go straight back to the ranch like I should’ve. I made a detour, and a deal with the proverbial devil himself. And I know Austin might kick my ass ifhe finds out, but I meant what I said to Clara last night. As long as she’s here, she’s safe. I’ll do all I can to make fuckin’ sure of it.

“C’mon, Dawson.” I’m slapped on my back, pulled from my thoughts by Stanley Watson, the biggest dick on the semi-pro circuit. “You ready to get your ass handed to you by a bull?”

I tip my chin, offering a sarcastic laugh. “We’ll see who’s leavin’ tonight five-grand richer, huh, Watson?”

He clicks his tongue and offers me a cocky wink, tipping his hat at me as he struts off like god’s fuckin’ gift. I cast a sneer in his wake, storming out of the arena ready to fight. Me and Broiler. And sure, I’m dog tired, and my mind is somewhere it shouldn’t be, but the purse is substantial, and the Childress crowd are wild, so the least I can do is put on a good show and take the points from the likes of Stanley fuckin’ Watson.

The chute rattles beneath me like it’s warning me that I’m not in the right mind to be here tonight.

I can feel Broiler breathing under me—thick, hot, angry snarls. Coiled muscle. My glove is tight on the rope, but my head is all over the goddamn place. It’s loud up in there. Too loud.

Eight seconds. That’s all. I’ve done it a hundred times. But, tonight, I can’t seem to shut it off. The crowd is a blur of noise, but it’s not them I hear. It’s everything else. It’s Clara telling me her ex not only beat her, but tried to fuckin’ rape her, right there in front of her innocent baby girl. It’s the doctor telling me I need to hang up my rope, that my riding days are all but over. It’s the constant voice inside my head telling me I’m slipping, I’m losing it, I’m not as sharp as I used to be, and my jaw clenches tight.