Page 86 of Sleeper: The Palisades Edition

“Uh-huh, and then what?”

“I went out of the woods, and Summer was gone.”

“Okay. So you haven’t seen Summer since then?”

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry! I lost her.”

“No no no no, this is not your fault, sweetie. Youdidn’t lose Summer. We didn’t lose Summer. She’s probably just hiding from us. We’ll find her together, okay?”

I carry him to the ticket booth at the entrance and tell the man there that we can’t find his sister. Turns out theydohave loudspeakers around the gardens, because they sometimes have concerts and nighttime events with music. He tells me to go around to talk to someone who meets us in the gift shop. They tell all of the employees who are on walkie talkie to look out for a five-year-old girl with light brown hair and a yellow top and jeans, to bring her to her family at the gift shop if they find her. Before they make an announcement on the loudspeakers, they ensure that there is an employee stationed at all of the exits to make sure no one else leaves with her. Then they make an announcement asking Summer to find the nearest wide path and wait there for someone in a golf cart to pick her up. Four employees in golf carts are told to drop what they’re doing to drive around looking for her.

Fifteen agonizing minutes later, Summer is dropped off in front of the gift shop. She’s crying and sucking her thumb, but she thanks the man who’s driving the golf cart for the ride when I pick her up out of the back seat. And then she waves to him and says, “Mazel tov.”

The drive homewas a long one. It took the same amount of time as the drive to the garden, but this time no one sang along toFiddler on the Roof.I finally turned it off, but Summer said she wanted to listen to it.

For lunch, I make turkey dogs for them, give themeach a double helping of dessert, and we all eat, mostly in silence. I ask them if they want to talk about what happened, but all Summer says is, “No. You were on your phone. You’re always looking at your phone.”

“I’m not always looking at my phone, Summer, but I’m very sorry that I wasn’t watching you for two minutes.”

She clams up after that.

I haven’t texted Shane since there’s no need to worry him and nothing for him to worry about now. I consider hiding all of the phones, iPads, and computers in this house so they can’t Skype with their mother today. Maybe they’ll forget by tomorrow.

But sure enough, Summer tells me she wants to Skype Mama. I can’t tell them not to tell her about what happened, because then they’d either just tell her that I told them not to tell her or they’d feel guilty because they’re keeping a secret from their mother. At least Summer isn’t sucking her thumb anymore and Lucky seems fine.

I set up a Skype call for them and then go to my room and shut the door. I don’t want to hear what they’re saying. If they tell Margo about it, I’ll find out sooner or later anyway.

When Shane gets home,the kids abandon the movie they were watching to run to him. I can tell he’s feeling overwhelmed from his day and just wants to chill out. But I have to tell him what happened. I get him a glass of water and a snack and ask him to join me in the kitchen when the twins are done climbing all over him.

“What happened?” he asks, sliding the kitchen door mostly shut behind him.

“What do you mean? Did they tell you?”

“Tell me what? You look totally freaked out.”

It isn’t until he puts his arms around me and brings my head to his chest that I cry. I cry like a big baby. I cry while telling him that I lost his children at the garden while I was texting with him and they had to make an announcement on the loudspeaker. He doesn’t understand a word I’m saying the first couple of times I try to explain it to him.

“Shane, I’m so sorry. It was so stupid of me. I was so scared.”

“Hey hey hey, it’s okay. They’re here.”

“But Lucky was crying and Summer was sucking her thumb again. They were traumatized.”

“They don’t seem traumatized to me.”

“They were traumatized. It was all my fault.”

“Wow. I thought I was hard on myself, but you really are.”

“I lost your children, Shane.”

“But you found them. They’re here.”

“You really aren’t mad?”

“I mean, if you had come home without them, I would have been really fucking pissed off, and I wish they hadn’t gotten lost, but it happened and they’re safe and it’s okay. My doctor told me he once forgot his kids in the car at the mall for two hours.”

“I don’t think that’s the same thing. Have any of your other nannies lost them? Haveyouever lost them?”