Page 29 of Sleeper: The Palisades Edition

I smile, and my eyes meet Shane’s in the rearview mirror. When we picked up the twins. I decided to sit in the back seat between them. Partly because it seemed like a good idea to be closer to them and partly because sitting next to their dad on the drive to school was silent, awkward agony. He’s barely said a word to me since his shower, and the only time he’s made eye contact with me since then is through the rearview mirror.

“Well, I can tell you exactly why that is, actually. You see, when you toot, your body is passing gas and chemicals out from the belly, and the type of gas that comes out of you depends on what you ate. So, if you ate something that hassulfurin it, like meat or eggs or broccoli, your farts are going to be silent but deadly! But if you drink bubbly drinks like soda, your belly might get filled with those gas bubbles, but there’s no sulfur in them, so when the gas comes out it doesn’t smell.”

So this is what our life is going to be like together for the next three months. Fart talk. That should make it easier to keep it in my pants.

“Did you know our mom and dad are famous?” Summer grins up at Shane while asking me this.

“Yes, I do know that. Did you know that I first met your dad when he was a famous teenager?”

“You did?” Lucky’s voice gets squeaky. “Did you know our mom too?”

“No, I actually met your dad when he was workingon a TV show calledThat’s So Wizard!with my brother Nico. Do you know Nico?”

“I know Nico!” Summer yells out as she flings her arms in the air. Typical female response to my brother’s charms. “Wait. Nico is your brother?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Is Nico coming to live with us too?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because Nico has his own place. And I’m better at looking after kids than he is.”

“Because you’re the nanny?”

“Exactly, Lucky. Because I’m the nanny.”

“Was our dad the same as he is now when you met him?”

“Well, that depends. How is he now?”

“Tall. Funny. Nice,” Lucky says.

“Tall and weird and tired all the time and sometimes nice and sometimes a big grumpy bear.”

“Hey,” he says without looking back. “I’m not tiredallthe time, and I’m nice even when I’m a big grumpy bear.”

Honestly, it’s hard for me to believe he’s grumpy with the kids. The way their faces lit up when they saw him waiting on the sidewalk. The way they ran to him and giggled when he caught them both and somehow managed to pick them both up at the same time…my right ovary wept while the other one shoveled ice cream into its mouth.

“Sounds like he hasn’t changed much,” I say. “Only I don’t think he was tired all the time when he was a teenager. Maybe we should let him take a nap when we get home. What do you think?”

“Dads don’t take naps. Naps are for little kids.”

“They don’t? Not even tired dads? Do you take naps sometimes?”

“Nooooo!” Summer says.

“Sometimes! When we’re tired we do!”

“See. Anyone can take a nap if they’re tired. Even dads.”

When we get backto the house, I ask the twins to show me what they want for a snack and tell them they’ll see their dad again at dinner. Shane looks uneasy about leaving me alone with them so soon, or perhaps he also does not feel that masculine grown men are allowed to take naps. I tell him to go do whatever he wants, just do it up in his bedroom with the lights off. And then I skillfully distract him from the accidental innuendo by telling awesome, hilarious jokes.

“Hey, guys—if your dad refuses to go upstairs and take a nap, we’re going to have to charge him with resisting arest. Get it?”

That one went straight over their little heads, but Shane just blinks and grins appreciatively.