Page 96 of Troublemaker: The Big Picture Edition

Everyone wants to do what’s best for the students, but what about the one student who cares about this the most?

ALEX VEGA INSPIRATION JOURNAL – FEBRUARY

Fuck everything.

REASONS WHY THIS IS DEFINITELY THE RIGHT THING TO DO – EMILIA

Fuck you, list.

CHAPTER 37

ALEX

It has been one month since I’ve seen Emilia Stiles in person, or heard her voice, or sent her a sexy text.

I have three pictures of her on my phone, and I stare at them every day.

I’m staring at one of them now as I sit on my back porch, finishing my dinner. It’s from New Year’s. When I tiptoed down to the guest room at the crack of dawn and snuck into her bed. Her blonde hair is fanned out around her head on the pillow as she looks back over her shoulder at me. She’s wearing pink and white Hello Kitty pajamas and a tired smile that is welcoming and just a little bit cautious at the same time. But she’s so fucking beautiful it hurts to look at her.

And it hurts to not look at her.

Ryder isn’t here, and twilight is the loneliest time of day again.

I’ve been working on my love story script with my screenwriter, focusing on the third act. The part where everything goes to shit. I can’t say that everything’s shit exactly, for me, but I also can’t say that I haven’t listened to “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake five or ten times. Just to torture myself. Ialso can’t say that I haven’t watched the end ofCinema Paradisofive or ten times, also for the purpose of torturing myself.

I don’t look for her when I drop Ryder off or pick him up, and I’m sure she goes out of her way to avoid seeing me around school. But the truth is, separation can somehow make you feel closer to a person sometimes. Longing is an invisible, angsty tether that ties me to Emilia. And it turns out I’m really comfortable being a brooding artist, even when I know who I want and that it’s only a matter of time before I can have her again.

Although, there is one thing that I really wish I could talk to her about.

And I just want to kiss those pretty pink lips again.

I zoom in on her mouth in the photo, and it takes my brain a couple of seconds to convince me that I’m not hallucinating when the image disappears and it says “ES calling” on my phone’s screen.

I answer as soon as I realize it’s her. “Hi.”

“Hi…” she says softly.

Her voice in my ear is all it takes for my heart to convince me that I’m alive again.

“I was just thinking about you.”

“Um… I’m calling you as Ryder’s teacher… To talk about Ryder.”

“Okay.”

“I’ve just noticed that he seems a little…disheartened lately. Have you noticed that?”

“Yeah. Of course I’ve noticed.”

“Is there something I should know?”

Yes. Everything sucks without you. A bright, shining star has collapsed, and we’re in an emotional black hole here without you. Space and time are deformed, and there’s no light.But I can see everything in my past and everything in my future, and it all orbits around you and Ryder.

I clear my throat and tell her, “Nova came back last week. She left the show because she found out she’s pregnant. And she wants to keep the baby. She’s getting married to this guy she met. A guy who was in China on a business trip.”

“Oh. Where does he live?”

“He lives in LA, fortunately. But he wants them to move into his house in Los Feliz. Nova’s been staying there. So Ryder’s staying there when he’s not with me.”