Page 1 of Space Daddy and a Boy Called Twink

PROLOGUE

Members of the Council,

With this letter, I include a document which chronicles my time and adventures on a Tier 5 planet in a sector of the Hector-5 E cluster galaxies, referred to in the accompanying narrative as “Earth.” As per the Council’s guidelines, the document is rendered in the language of the community I first encountered during my time on this planet, to be used for research purposes by fellow Furkers who choose to study or visit Earth.

As approved of for research purposes in Docket 735X_K1LR24-ETC-ETC, in order to incorporate the perspective of a member of this community—Charlie, a.k.a. Twink—I have asked him to recall specific events and, where useful and necessary, transcribed them using our Furker tech. This account will also serve to explain my extended absence.

Along with my submission to the Council, I am required by law to submit this document to the Intergalactic Justice Department (Exhibit 5E-4356K-BLAH) for reasons that will become apparent as my fellow Furkers review my narrative.

xoxo Daddy

1

DADDY

“Come on,” Isaid in my Furker tongue while playing with the findoneum vines, which had dislodged during my crash landing.

I’d taken stock of the many damages my ship, theKaylog, had endured when it had unexpectedly routed off-course and thrust me into the atmosphere of a small blue dot of a planet, hurtling me toward its surface. I’d already discovered my hyperblemic crystal, a necessary component for theKaylog, had a substantial fracture, too large for me to easily repair using the tools on my ship.

I feared the worst. That I crash-landed on some desolate planet, perhaps made mostly of ice or dirt. Some uninhabitable part of space where I would certainly die. Fortunately, as I realigned the findoneum vines, they began growing back into place, and diagnostics kicked back on, syncing with my arm cuff.

The data and stats about the atmosphere of this new place appeared before me, as if projected against the wall, though this was simply being broadcasted to my brain in a way that my visual cortex could process. To my relief, the information provided assured me the atmosphere outside was something a Furker could adapt to.

I enjoyed a moment of relief before cursing my mate—ex-mate, now—knowing she was responsible for tampering with my ship, surely hoping that I would perish because I dared abandon her. Regardless of what she intended, death would have been a reprieve from captivity under her control.

Using my tentacles, I struggled to pull myself to my feet, as my ship now rested at an angle. As I scanned the interior, it was apparent theKaylogwould be able to fix itself somewhat, though it would need time to recover from the incident, which would happen faster without my being aboard.

Still disoriented, I headed out to the main compartment and opened the hatch, discovering a dark world outside. Cautiously, I peered out to see where I had landed, surprised to find structures that seemed a product of design rather than some natural cause—architecture with clear, defined lines and shapes. In a vast universe of chaos, I wondered what the odds were that I would land among a world of creatures sophisticated enough to build such structures. Though this was not something I could spend much time dwelling on as I emerged from my ship, allowing my body to adapt to the atmosphere.

My vision rapidly adjusted to permit me to assess the path where I stood between two of these large structures, one of which had something scrawled along the side, which appeared as such:

SUCK MY DICK, MOTHERFUCKERS

I fidgeted with my arm cuff to see the state of my translating device, though theKayloginformed me this was being reset with the rest of the ship. However, I was relieved to find that the data was being input so that, when it was back online, I could use it to navigate the language of the species.

I continued surveying my surroundings. Lights emanating from spots along the walls of the structures around me illuminated the paved path I now stood on, and farther down, there was another, larger path created between even more of these structures. Furkers had similar such paths, and on this planet, I would later come to learn these were known as “alleys” and “streets,” and the structures were called “buildings.”

A sound caught my attention, and I promptly went to investigate. My instincts urged me to hide, so I found safety in the shadows cast by the lights illuminating the streets.

From the side of one of the buildings, a creature walked by on all its extremities. With short hair and pointed ears, it stopped and turned to me, hissing before scurrying off. Could this small species, maybe a hundred times smaller than myself, be responsible for these buildings and streets?

I didn’t have much time to consider this before three new creatures walked along the street. These were what I would come to know later in my investigation of this planet asHomo sapiensor “humans.”

Though not the strangest of creatures I have observed in my travels, it was interesting to note that, like the species I had first observed, they had four extremities, yet unlike the hissing creature, they chose to only use two of them to walk, similarly to Furkers. It seemed they used their two other limbs to hold an electronic device in one, while manipulating it with the other.

It was this device that led me to hypothesize that this was the species responsible for the architecture, though I was willing to consider other possibilities if new evidence came to light. Despite the many advantages of our species, I have always been prone to cognitive biases that have led me astray on more than one occasion. This was not a feature of Furkers, but a personal genetic defect I have constantly worked to overcome, and which will color much of what I report.

I kept to the shadows of the building, watching the humans interacting with their electronic devices, which brought to mind the worlds of Arcadacia and Europdisia, which as you, the Council, will be aware, were overtaken entirely by the intelligence they simulated, becoming the first in the Federation to be dominated by artificial intelligence. Had this already transpired here?

I calculated the precise measurements of the three humans, who were wearing strips of black cloth to cover their sex organs, also similar to Furkers. They bore leather straps around their chests that I, at the time, didn’t understand the purpose for, though I suspected they were decorative in nature.

My body was quick to shapeshift, imitating their likeness. My arms and legs, already similar enough, reduced in size to the extremities observed. My sex organ adjusted as well, approximating the size, as theirs were covered. I didn’t care for either change as it made me much smaller in stature, which left me feeling vulnerable and uneasy in this unknown environment. But mostly, I was shocked at what had happened to my sex organ, which I feared had become so small—at least relative to my Furker form—that it might affect my ability to fulfill my biological directive:

Find a mate.

Copulate.

Breed.