Page 66 of Defend Her Heart

I hesitate for a beat before lowering myself onto the cushion next to her, sitting close enough that I can smell her sweet perfume. Draping my arm behind her along the top of the couch, I turn my head to find she’s already watching me.

“Is this okay?” I ask, nodding to where I’m sitting and my arm draped behind her.

“Mm-hmm.”

I mentally fist pump, exhilarated by the mere fact that she’s allowing me to sit this close to her.

The movie begins, but I couldn’t tell you anything about what’s happening on the screen. I’m too focused on the way her leg keeps brushing against mine each time she shifts, or the way her shoulder keeps touching my arm each time she reaches for another handful of popcorn.

And her laugh. God, I love her laugh. It’s better than anything that’s happening on my TV, I can tell you that much.

I’m trying to focus on the movie but it’s simply background noise at this point, because I’m far too aware of the woman next to me. Her proximity is becoming overwhelming, the need to lean closer and inhale her scent combined with the urge to pull her into my arms is almost too much.

We’re halfway through the movie when my warring thoughts win out, and I reach for the remote to pause it. Avery is curled under the blanket next to me, my arm still resting on the couch behind her, when she picks her head up off the cushion and looks at me in confusion.

“Why’d you pause it?”

I turn my body on the couch so I’m facing her and take a deep breath. I have to find a way to calm the fire building inside of me so I ask her something in an attempt to distract myself.

“That app on your watch. Can other people connect to it?”

Her eyes narrow and her forehead creases. “I’m not sure I understand.”

I lift my leg onto the couch and scoot closer to her. My fingers behind her start playing with the ends of her hair and she leans into my touch. The simple movement gives me the confidence to push on.

“Feel free to tell me I’m an overbearing asshole, but I was wondering if maybe I could download the app and connect to your information so I can be alerted if your heart rate spikes?”

Avery sits up and pulls her legs in front of her. She crosses her feet at the ankles and tilts her head slightly.

“Why would you want to do that?”

I exhale a laugh. “Because I don’t think I will survive in Sweden, being an ocean apart, not knowing if you’re okay or not.”

Her lips part as she sucks in a breath. I can tell she’s shocked, but I don’t know if it’s a good shock, or bad shock.

“You can tell me no and it’s none of my business. I completely understand. I just thought?—”

“Sure,” she cuts me off. “You can log into my account on your phone.”

We sit there, staring at each other, unsure of what to say next. This feels like a big moment. She’s trusting me with her healthandwants to let me in on something extremely personal.

I reach behind me to the end table and grab my phone. Unlocking it, I hand it to her.

“Can you show me how it works?”

I have my follow-up appointment with my doctor today to go over the tilt table test results. Connor is leaving for Sweden today and he’ll be there for a little over a week for the remainder of the women’s hockey tournament to watch his sister. His best friend, Luke, is competing in men’s curling too, so he’ll get to see him while he’s there as well. Tamara is meeting with an athlete this morning, which means I’m riding solo to this appointment.

I hadn’t realized how much easier Connor made things until I left to come to this appointment alone. Remembering how he handled my tilt table test, him scolding the nurse and worrying about me, brings a smile to my face. Ridiculous as he was, it was comforting to have him beside me for something so scary and exhausting. Having his support meant the world to me and I’m hit with a wave of disappointment knowing he won’t be here to do the same today. I’ll miss the way he advocated for me, asking questions I wouldn’t think to ask, him making me feel less alone.

Just as I pull into an empty parking space at the hospital, my phone buzzes in my cup holder. Mycar is so old I don’t have a fancy system that plays music or shows me who’s calling or texting. As soon as the car is in Park, I grab my phone. My heart sinks when it’s not Connor’s name on my screen.

Katie

Good luck at your appointment this morning. I’m thinking of you!

The disappointment I felt a moment ago vanishes after her thoughtful message. Even though my sessions with Katie have ended, we’ve become pretty good friends, along with the rest of the girls on the Bobcats’ staff. I may not have anyone with me today, but I’m feeling less alone knowing I have people looking out for me.

I walk into the hospital and take the elevator to the second floor where the cardiology department is located. Walking down the hallway, I’m relieved that I don’t feel as anxious as I have in the past heading to these appointments. For once, I’m feeling hopeful. I’m finally going to get some answers.