Page 49 of Defend Her Heart

When my phone vibrates inside my purse, any calm I had found vanishes. Expecting to see a text from Connor asking where I am, I’m surprised to see a message from Tamara. She’s the only person I’ve told this secret to, and I don’t plan on telling anyone else. She’s just as concerned as Connor, if not more, about my health. She’s offered me money as well, but I’m already living with her for free. I wasn’t kidding when I said I didn’t want to owe anyone anything.

Tamara

Are you sure you want to do this?

Am I sure? When it comes to the reasoning for me doing this, I am 100 percent positive it’s the right thing to do. Do I wish I didn’t have to fall into an arrangement with my high school boyfriend in order to get the help I need? Also, yes. There may be some conflicting feelings happening over doing this with Connor, but I’ve never doubted that he is a good man. And damn, do I hate admitting it, but I still feel safe with him.

Maybe this little marriage of convenience we’re about to fall into will be the door we need to open to face our past, instead of dancing around it like we have been.

I type out a reply to Tamara confirming I’m certain this is the right choice, then shove my phone back in my purse. I pull down my mirror and give myself a little pep talk.

“Time to woman up. You’re doing this because yourhealth is important. And it’s only a few months. You can do this.”

Once I’m satisfied and feeling confident enough, I exit my car. Winter is in full swing and I hug myself to try to keep warm as I walk through the parking lot. It may be freezing but you won’t catch me complaining. The heat and humidity of summer exacerbated my symptoms, so the cold weather is free to stay as long as it wants.

When I step inside, I’m greeted by a young woman at the hostess stand.

“Good morning. Just you today?”

I scan the restaurant and find him right away. Tucked in the corner at a booth, sticking out like a massive Greek statue squished into a budget airline seat. Connor is all long limbs and solid frame, six foot five of him folded into a space that was definitely not designed with him in mind.

He’s not looking at me yet, his attention angled slightly down at his phone, thumb scrolling as he waits, one arm resting on the table. A dark Henley clings to him in a way that feels unfairly distracting, the fabric stretched across his shoulders and chest like it’s been tailored for exactly that purpose. His sleeves are pushed up to his forearm, like he got impatient mid-thought and never bothered fixing them. His hair looks like he ran his hands through it one too many times, rumpled, effortless, like he either just woke up or hasn’t stopped fidgeting all morning.

Then he looks up.

And just like that, I’m caught. The noise of the restaurant dulls around the edges as his eyes lock onto mine, steady and unblinking, that damn smirk kicking up on one side of his handsome face.

“Ma’am?” the server’s voice cuts in, and it takes me a second too long to tear my gaze away from him.

“I—I’m actually meeting someone,” I somehow manage, forcing my attention back to the present. “I see him now.”

Even after I force the words out, I can still feel his attention riveted on me, and I suddenly feel very aware of how bad of an idea this might actually be.

I will my feet to move, because all of a sudden, I’m quite nervous about what’s about to happen. I know this marriage isn’t real, but it doesn’t stop the memories of my last one from resurfacing.

My marriage with Bryan was anything but healthy. I know people always tend to focus on the bad when things end, but even when I try to remember the good, those memories are few and far between. I lost myself when I married Bryan, and I didn’t think I’d ever get married again. Now here I am, about to marry my high school sweetheart. For his health insurance.

I swear someone could write a book about this, because even I can’t believe this is happening in real life.

Connor stands when I approach the booth and when he leans in for a hug, I freeze. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it isn’t for him to greet me so warmly. I know we’re technically friends now but this is a business arrangement, so the gesture takes me by surprise.

After our awkward hug, we both slide into opposite sides of the booth. I busy myself by grabbing a menu and attempting to read it, but I can’t concentrate enough to make out the words on the flimsy plastic.

“The peanut butter pancakes are my favorite.”

I look over the top of my menu to see Connor watching me. I close it and set it down, planning to order what he suggested because making a decision right now feels impossible. To be honest, I’m not even that hungry. My stomach is sick with nerves, and the thought of eating makes me queasy.

Not wanting to prolong this anymore and pretend to make small talk, I just blurt it out. “How is this going to work? We just make an appointment at the courthouse and go on our merry way?”

Connor laughs. “It’s nice to see you too, Aves.”

He’s ignored me every time I’ve asked him not to call me that, so I don’t even bother asking him again.

“Hi, Superstar.” His eyes bulge at the use of the old nickname he hated so much, causing me to flash him my first genuine smile of the day. “Good morning. Now, can we please get to the point?”

I don’t even notice that my voice is a whisper until Connor leans closer. “I like to whisper, too.”

Him quoting my favorite Christmas movie has me snorting and relaxing for the first time since I woke up this morning. This moment between us feels like the old us. It should scare me and have me putting up boundaries, but I relish in the feeling.