Page 44 of Defend Her Heart

His words are laced in worry, and for a split second I almost feel guilty for making him feel this way. I focus on his question and push away the feelings that threaten to consume me.

“Basically, they’d have to do a bunch of different tests. They’d have to check my liver levels, blood levels, my thyroid, and do a metabolic profile. I’d have to wear a Holter monitor to check for electrical problems in my heart, and they’ll also need to do an echocardiogram to make sure nothing is physically wrong with my heart. And after all that, they’d eventually do a tilt table test to confirm the diagnosis if it got to that point.”

Connor’s eyebrows raise and he points his finger at me. “Oh! I read about that. It tests how your heart and nervous system respond to changes in position, right?”

My traitorous heart swells at Connor’s knowledge of everything that has to do with POTS. I was married to a man who didn’t believe anything I was saying when it came to this. And yet, here’s my high school sweetheart, learning everything he can about this condition, even though I’m barely in his life anymore.

“That’s right.” My words are strained because the emotion I was trying to keep down is creeping up and I can’t do anything to stop it.

Connor must notice because he reaches out and takes my hand in his. “Hey. It’s all gonna be okay. Now that you’re working you should be able to afford the tests soon, right?”

There’s hope in his voice, and it tugs at something inside of me that I buried long ago.

“Actually, I was hired on a trial basis as a freelance commentator. So, unfortunately, I don’t get benefits thisseason. My pay is okay, but I still don’t have enough for everything I already owe and still need. Hopefully soon, though.” I try to sound hopeful but it’s clear he’s not buying it.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Connor scrubs a hand down his face, and I move my gaze to my lap where I’ve started fiddling with my fingers. All this talk and the reminder that I can’t get the answers I’m so desperate for are making me feel anxious.

I lift my shoulders and give him my best attempt at a smile. “It is what it is. At least I’m getting closer.” There’s no conviction in my voice, and he clocks it immediately.

“But you shouldn’t have to wait this long, Avery. You’ve barely been back in my life and I know of two times now that you’ve fallen and almost seriously hurt yourself. I’m sure there’s a bunch of other things you’re not telling me, too. Are you sure you won’t let me pay for the tests? You can pay me back if you want. Just…please, let me help?”

I start shaking my head immediately. “No. I will not owe another person anything.” I don’t want to explain how Bryan gaslit me into actually believing I was using him and wasting his money. I refuse to go anywhere near that place again.

My eyes shift to Connor, and his brows are knitted together in concentration. It’s the same look he used to wear when he was trying to figure out a math equation. Suddenly, something clicks. The tension in his forehead smooths out and he turns his head, his gaze locking in on mine. His lips part slightly and curve at the edges. It’s not quite a smile, but it’s enough to make me wonder what’s going on in that brain of his.

But I never could’ve anticipated the words that eventually do come out of his mouth.

“Marry me.”

For a second, I’m positive I’ve misheard him.

The words don’t register, rather they pass right through me like my brain just pushes them away. I blink. Once. Twice. Three times. Waiting for him to laugh and tell me he’s just kidding. Waiting for him to do or sayanythingto fix the words that just came out of his mouth.

Marry me.

My brows pull together and I look around the cab of his truck, like I’ll find someone to ask if they just heard what he said. When I look back at him, he’s watching me.

“You’re joking.” A short, disbelieving laugh slips out before I can stop it. Except, he’s still not laughing. Connor’s gaze is steady but serious. My smile falters as I study his face, hoping I’ll find a crack or anything that says this is a joke that I might not be in on yet. There’s nothing.

My breath stutters and my chest tightens as the words catch up with me. They settle heavy on my chest.

“Wait,” I say quietly. “You’re?—”

I don’t finish the statement. I don’t need to. Because I can see it written all over his face. He means it.

“Yes. I am serious. If you won’t takemy money because you don’t want to owe me anything, then marry me and use my insurance. With all the injuries hockey players are prone to, we have some of the best health insurance in the country. Marry me and use my insurance, and you won’t owe me a dime. Everything will be covered—and I’m already paying for the insurance anyway.”

Another disbelieving laugh escapes but this time it doesn’t stop after just one. I keel over in hysterical laughter at his suggestion. After a few minutes goes by, I sit up and wipe the tears that fell from laughing so hard. Hey, at least this time the tears were from hysteria, not sadness.

“Wow.” I attempt to catch my breath. “I’m sorry, it’s just…me and you? Married? That is a recipe for disaster, and you know it.”

Connor’s face is like stone, not a hint of a smile or hitch of a brow. He peers at me, and I swallow, making a loud gulping noise because I’m not sure I like how he’s staring at me. He looks away and I see the muscle in his cheek tic, like he’s gritting his teeth as hard as he can. He’s looking out the window when he squeezes his jaw with his hand, as if he’s trying to control his anger. When he finally looks at me, his face is a bit more relaxed.

“I guess I shouldn’t take it so personally that you think it’s the worst idea ever.”

“Connor—”

He holds his hand up to stop me. “Avery, just wait.”