Page 38 of Defend Her Heart

I give her knee one more squeeze. “I know. I love you, too. Bigger than the sky.”

“Brighter than the stars.”

I’m getting ready for the game tonight and I feel like I’m absolutely crushing it at my job so far this season. The entire organization is so supportive and accommodating, especially Ted, who has been commentating with me all season.

Ted has been with the team for twenty years now and he just became a grandfather for the first time. There’s something about him that makes me feel at ease, so it wasn’t hard to fill him in on what’s been going on with me health-wise. Although I don’t have an official diagnosis, I wanted to let him know at least the bare minimum. You know, in case I randomly get lightheaded and pass out at work.

The good thing about this job is that I’m sitting for the entire game. When my symptoms first started, I was playing professionally in the PWHL. At first I thought I was just having side effects still from a viral infection that took me out for almost a month. But when the symptoms only worsened, I had to take a leave from the team. That leave turned into retirement, and it hit me harder than I ever imagined.

When you have to retire from the sport you love more than anything in this world, especially when it’s not on your own terms, it takes a toll on you. Not only was I dealing withphysical effects of whatever the fuck’s going on with my body, I had to deal with the mental turmoil of saying goodbye to hockey, even though I wasn’t ready to do so.

It took me a long time to accept that I’ll never play again. Tamara helped me through my darkest time, and with her support, I decided that I didn’t want to leave the sport completely. I’ve always enjoyed commentating on games, even though it had only been something I’d done for fun. But I realized I was actually pretty freaking good at it. Luckily, my former team, the Freeze, gave me the opportunity to work for them. I didn’t start as a play-by-play announcer, but after my first year commentating, they offered me the play-by-play job.

The rest is history.

Well, except for the fact that I’mstilldealing with these medical issues and the mental toll it takes on me.

I make my way into the commentating booth that has become my second home. Now that I can’t be down there on the ice, this has become my favorite place to be. I feel like I’m on top of the world when I’m here, both figuratively and literally. We are so high up in the arena that the players look extremely tiny from where I sit. But I also feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be. Doing something I loveandexcelling at it. Not many people find something they love this much after retiring from their sport, and I feel incredibly grateful that I have.

Sitting down on my chair, I start organizing the notes for today’s game and turn on all the monitors that we’ll be using.

“Damn, I thought I might actually beat you in here today.”

I turn to see Ted holding a Tupperware container and dressed in one of his ridiculous suits. Tonight’s suit is neon blue with hundreds of sharks decorating his jacket and pants. Not only is this man one of the kindest people I’ve met, but his style brings me so much joy every game day.

“Looking sharp tonight, Ted. Good thing you didn’t wear this one a few nights ago when we played the Sharks.”

A low rumble of a laugh escapes him as he takes his seat next to me. “I may be getting old, but I ain’t stupid.”

I shake my head and laugh, turning back to the papers in front of me.

“Here. It’s from the missus. She made some trail mix for you. Apparently, if you have POTS you should increase your salt intake, which I’m sure you already know so I don’t know why I’m telling you. But anyway. There’s a bunch of different kinds of nuts in here, popcorn, seeds. You know, trail mix stuff.”

He holds out the Tupperware container to me. My hand shakes when I go to grab it, emotion overtaking my body at the thoughtfulness of not only him, but his wife.

“You okay, Avery? You’re shaking.”

I sniff once, trying like hell to hold it together. “I’m okay. Just trying not to break down into tears in front of you.”

“Well, let’s not do that. We’ve got a game to prepare for.” Ted spins in his chair, and I know he’s not being insensitive. He knows me well enough already to know that I don’t like to make a big deal out of my health, even if itisa big deal. We spend the next hour or so prepping for tonight’s matchup before the players hit the ice.

It’s been a hard-fought game between the Bobcats and Boston Bolts. Adeline Langfield is the first female goalie in the league and she’s a brick wall. We’ve only gotten one past her today. My adrenaline is pumping as both teams battle in the Bolts zone. I may not be able to play anymore, but damn if I don’t love being in the game like this, calling big plays in real time.

“Koskinen dekes around Cooley, it’s just him and Langfield now. He shoots…and holy cow! Another unbelievable save by Langfield. I’m not sure how she managed to get her glove up like that after falling to the ice, but that’s another one we might see on the Top 10 highlights this evening.”

My heart pounds and a smile stretches across my face at the save Adeline just made. How fucking cool to be the first female play-by-play commentator, reacting to highlight-worthy saves from the first female goalie in the league. It doesn’t get much better than this.

“I agree, Avery. She is playing out of her mind today.”

The third period ends in a 1–1 tie, and the Bobcats end up losing in a shootout.

“Not the way we wanted to end the game tonight but Langfield stood on her head during that shootout, stopping all three Bobcats shooters. Stay tuned for the postgame coverage. We’ll be back after a short break.”

We finish up the postgame segment, and I start packing up my things when I see my phone light up on the table. There’s a text from Sadie. I grab my phone then swipe on my screen to read her message.

Sadie

Some of us are going to the local sports bar for a postgame meal and drink. Come with us? Please!