Page 26 of Defend Her Heart

Watching her in this moment, something inside me changes. After everything that happened with my parents, I’ve never wanted a relationship or a family. I’ve always been too afraid to follow in their footsteps.

But here, seeing the Northern Lights through the eyes of Avery, I think I might want a relationship after all.

Minutes go by as Avery points out the greens and purples of the sky, never leaving the spot in front of me. Her other hand is still resting comfortably on my arm.

“Isn’t it just so beautiful?”

I know she’s talking about the sky, but I have yet to look away from her.

“Gorgeous.”

My voice is low and raspy, causing Avery to finally look away from the light display above us. When she realizes what I’m actually talking about, she bites her lower lip.

The wind chooses this moment to kick up, causing us both to become unsteady on our feet. My arm wraps around her back and her hand flies up to my chest.

“You okay?”

Her eyes are on my mouth when she nods. “I’m okay.”

I push a loose strand of her hair behind her ear but keep my other arm in place, securing her so that she remains close.

“I know we just met, but I’d really, really like to kiss you right now. If that’s all right with you.” My gaze moves from her eyes down to her lips and then back up again.

Avery’s hand grips the front of my shirt, pulling me even closer so that her mouth is a breath away from mine. The dimple that I’ve come to love so much pops on her left cheek.

“What are you waiting for?”

And then my lips are on hers.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes with your discharge paperwork.” The young, friendly nurse exits the room, and I throw my head back against the sterile hospital pillow behind me. Closing my eyes, I focus on my breathing, trying like hell not to break down in tears. Again.

This morning I had a fainting spell, this time falling and hitting my head on the coffee table at Tamara’s apartment. These fainting spells are the worst part of all my health issues. Luckily, she was home when it happened and was able to drive me to the hospital. I begged her to wait in the waiting room, which is where she is now, because I’ve yet to tell anyone what’s been going on.

For the last year, I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. Sometimes when I’m doing nothing, like watching Netflix or sitting outside reading, I’ll go to stand and my heart feels like it’s about to beat out of the chest. There are times I get dizzy enough I’ll lose my vision, like today. Since moving to Green Bay, I’ve been able to gauge when they’re about to happen, but I wasn’t quick enough this morning so it was the first time Tamara witnessed the worst of what I’ve been going through.

But unlike every other time this has happened, the doctor at this hospital took me seriously. She didn’t dismiss me or tell me I probably didn’t eat or drink enough water. She didn’t question if it was just my head or mind playing tricks on me. Hell, I spent a week at an inpatient program when this all started because Bryan and the doctors told me it was my anxiety, just to be accused of wasting his money afterward when it didn’t help.

There is nothing worse than not being able to trust my own body because it no longer works like it used to, only to have no one listen to me.

Today, the tears threaten to fall not because I feel helpless, but because I feel hope for the first time. The doctor actuallyheardme. She listened to meandbelieved me when I said there is something wrong.

I know they tell you not to google your symptoms, but when no one would listen to what I had to say, I had no other choice but to research so I could advocate for myself. When I told the doctor today that I suspected I had Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, or POTS for short, she sat down and had me tell her every single symptom that made me believe I might have it.

And she fucking believed me.

The tears begin falling down my face at the relief I’m feeling. I’m not crazy. It’s not all in my head. I wasright. Maybe. There are some tests I need to take to confirm it but the doctor thinks there’s a chance it could actually be POTS. That’s all I’ve wanted for so long—for someone to take me seriously. This is the first step in the right direction. I might actually get some answers after all this time. At the very least, we can rule this out and go from there.

A soft knock sounds at the door, and I furiously blink to clear the tears and wipe at my cheeks. As if it’s not going to be obvious that I’ve been crying like a baby in here.

“Oh my god, Avery. What’s wrong? Why are you crying? What did the doctor say?” Tamara’s voice is full of concern.

By the time I can see clearly, she’s already scooting a chair closer to me at my bedside. She reaches over and takes my hand between both of hers.

I laugh through the emotion that I can’t seem to control. “I’m okay. I promise.”

“Your face is leaking. You do not look okay.” Tamara gives me her signature look, eyes narrowed, lips pursed. It’s the face I imagine she uses during contract negotiations when a team tries to lowball one of her clients.

“These are happy tears, T.”