Page 107 of Defend Her Heart

“Well, come on then. Get to explaining.”

Connor smirks and I purse my lips at him. “All right, all right.” He scratches the stubble that is covering his face, and I briefly remember what it felt like to have it brush against the inside of my thighs last night and this morning.

Focus, Avery.

“First, I need to tell you the whole truth about what happened two years ago.”

My heart pounds and my stomach sinks. He told me he needed to work on himself but I never understood why. I inchcloser to him, wanting,needingto understand why I had to grieve the loss of him twice.

“It was the weekend you told everyone you were engaged. I was there.”

No. I remember that weekend.

I shake my head aggressively. “You never came. Luke told us something happened to your grandparents.” Understanding dawns on me as soon as the words are out of my mouth.

We all texted Connor like crazy to check in on him, but he didn’t respond to anyone. It made absolutely no sense. I cried silently in the shower fordayswondering how he could do that to us. To me.

“I came. I met Bryan, too. And I lost it, Aves. I couldn’t stand to be there with the two of you.”

My hand flies to my chest as I try to make sense of everything he’s saying. The feel of his palm against my cheek immediately calms me, but it does nothing to clear the confusion.

Connor looks me in the eyes. “I let you go the first time so you could live your dreams. And then I realized you could’ve had all of those dreamswithme. I was just too stupid to see that. Knowing you achieved everything and fell in love again. It almost fucking killed me. I left that day and made a promise to myself to move on.”

Tears fill my eyes. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.

Connor slides out from under me, setting me on the chair, and kneels down in front of me. He takes my face in his hands and the tears fall down my face without my permission.

“Then my sister sent me one of your ex’s social media posts. He was flaunting the shit out of your wedding, apparently.”

I release a watery, bitter laugh. “Ugh, I forgot about that.But I still don’t get it. Why did you come?” I’m still not understanding that part. To my knowledge, no one knew he was there. Someone would’ve definitely mentioned that to me if they did.

“Well, I planned on finding you before the ceremony and telling you that I was still in love with you.”

My heart jumps. I know for a fact this isn’t my POTS talking. This is my body responding to something that quite possibly could’ve changed my life. What would I have done? Would his confession have been the wake-up call I needed? Could I have avoided all the pain and abuse from Bryan?

“Why didn’t you find me?” My question comes out barely above a whisper, and I cast my eyes downward. I can’t look at him right now.

In true Connor fashion, he grips my chin and forces me to look at him.

“I watched you walk into the church that day. You looked so fucking beautiful, baby. But goddamn, those daisies were fucking hideous.”

Connor’s lips tip up, but I’m having a hard time finding the humor right now. He clears his throat and continues. “I went into the church after I saw you walk in. The ceremony had already started so I slunk into the back row, still unsure what the hell I was doing there. But then I saw it.” His voice is thick with emotion now.

“Saw what?” I need to know what he saw to make him change his mind.

“I saw you smile at him the way you used to smile at me.”

I think I’m going to be sick. I shake my head over and over. “No. No way. I never felt the same way about him the way I felt about you. The way Istillfeel about you. You’re wrong. I didn’t smile at him like I smile at you.” My head is still shaking and my stomach rolls as I try to imagine it.

“Shh. Aves. It’s okay. I watched you up there in that white dress and you looked happy. If I would’ve known what it would eventually turn into, you bet your ass I would’vemarched up there and hauled you out of that church. But I didn’t know.Neitherof us could’ve known, Aves. You were happy. I couldn’t be the one to ruin that for you. Not again.”

Emotion clogs my throat and my nose stings as I try to sniff back more tears.

He’s right. In that moment at the church, I thought Bryan was exactly what I wanted. I had convinced myself he was a good man and we could create a good life together. Was it a fairy tale like in the romance books Connor listens to? Maybe not. But I thought it was enough. I thought he was enough. How could I be so fucking wrong about someone?

“It should’ve been you.” The emotion I was trying to hold back comes pouring out of me all at once.

He was there.