Page 5 of Louder Than Words

“Oh, that’s… that’s awesome,” I say, barely getting the words out through the smile I now can’t hold back.

“We did it, mate. This is it!”

A quiet laugh slips past my lips. “That’s incredible. Honestly, I thought it’d be delayed with everything going on with Casey leaving. Not fast-tracked.”

“Gareth wants to throw a party when you get back. So, no pressure or anything, but, y’know, hurry the hell up,” he says, then hangs up without waiting for a response.

I slowly lower the phone and just stare at it.

Two. Fucking. Weeks.

“Bad news?”

The voice makes me flinch, and I turn to find Ana leaning against her doorframe, arms folded across her chest and an eyebrow raised skeptically.

I glance over my shoulder toward the girls’ room again. Thankfully, they’re still in the same spot, giggling and chatting away like the world outside doesn’t exist.

Peeling my eyes away, I turn toward Ana and drag my hands down my face. “No, it’s actuallygoodnews.”

She tilts her head. “Well, if it’s good news, why do you look like someone just punched you in the balls?”

I shrug. “The record’s coming out sooner than we thought. Could be as soon as two weeks.”

Her mouth falls open. “That’s fantastic!” She steps forward and gives my forearm a squeeze.

I try to smile, but it doesn’t exactly land. “Yeah… it is.”

It should feel like a win—thebiggestwin. But right now, it doesn’t.

Ana raises a brow, frowning. “Woah, what’s that about?”

Ah, yes. Time for my favorite coping mechanism: deflection.

“Hey! How’s your book stuff going?” I ask, grinning way too hard.

Bravo, Jax.

She eyes me skeptically but still manages to toss her hair into a curly, messy bun. “It’s going,” she says with a shrug, then slaps her arms down at her sides. “I mean, we’ve got the New York trip next month, so at least that should be fun. Nice try, though.”

Fuck. Me. Better yet, fuck me twice—because that completely slipped my mind with everything going on. Between finding a new drummer, Allie and Trevor’s court stuff, the girls, and traveling back and forth nonstop the past three months—there’s no bloody way this album can drop now. I need to call Don, see if we can push it back, even if it’s just for a few weeks.

Before I can say anything, though, Ana holds up a hand like she can see the chaos already brewing in my brain. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. It’s fine, Jax. You’ve had a lot on your plate these last few months,” she says. “It’s only the biggest award of an author’s lifetime. No big deal,” she adds, a smirk tugging at her lips.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. “I’m gonna talk to Don. We can delay the release by a few weeks—”

“What?No,” she says firmly. “I was kidding, Jax. These are good things happening in the middle of a really dark time. Allie needs something to look forward to. Don’t snuff that out just because you’re scared it’s too much for her.”

I blow out a slow breath and rub my temples. “It’s just too much. The second that record drops? Things are going to be nuts. Interviews, the label wanting a music video…” I trail off, shaking my head, then run a hand through my hair. “Then the tour in February, all the prep for it. It’s just way too much right now.”

Ana tilts her head, eyes softening. “I know it feels like that for you, Jax. But think about Allie—she’s falling apart. She’ll tell you she’s fine, but sheneedssomething good.”

Her words crash into me like a punch to the chest. Just the thought of Allie trying to hold herself together while everything around her falls apart makes my knees threaten to give out. Although it shouldn’t surprise me, not with everything happening at once. The custody shit. The fact that she still can’t drive out of town without needing to be talked down from a panic attack. And then the weight of wanting another baby, knowing how hard it’s going to be.

She’s never said it out loud, but I know it’s eating at her. She has two incredible daughters I already love as my own, but I also know how much it hurts her to wonder if she’ll ever carry another child. To wonder if that choice was ripped away from her. That’s all too much for one person. Especially with her being practically alone, and me still being well over four hours away.

That’s the part that hurts the most for me—knowing she’s going through this and pretty much bears it alone while I’m not here. That’s what breaks me. That’s exactly why we’ve been trying to rush through recording. So, I guess that’s the one silver lining. At least now I have the freedom to be up here more often, even if only for a few weeks before everything blows up.

I turn back to check on the girls in time to see Charlotte laying a napkin on her bear’s lap and Lydia laughing so hard I swear she’s about to topple over. And they have absolutely no idea what’s going on around them. Not a clue what might happen if Trevor gets his way.