Page 35 of Louder Than Words

“Mmhm,” I say, finally leaning down to kiss him.

When I pull back, his eyes are still closed, lips still slightly puckered.

“Totally worth it,” he whispers.

16

Allie

Everything is going to be fine.

It was a freak accident, and there’s absolutely no way it could happen again.

Jax will be driving. Jax isalwayssafe.

You’re going to sit inside those same four walls that smell like burnt bacon and overly sugary maple syrup, and try not to barf—just like last time.

The only thing that will be different is Iwon’tbe pinned against the pavement. Or choking on the smell of gasoline and blood while staring up at the sky, wondering if I’d ever see my daughters again.

Why the hell does she have to crave those pancakes again? Don’t pancakes taste the same no matter where you go? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course everything tastes different whenyou’re pregnant. I swear I could tell which chip was neglected of seasoning when I was pregnant with Lydia.

A hand presses gently against my cheek, pulling me from my spiral. I look up and am met with Jax’s concerned eyes—the same ones he wears every time this happens. Because he knowsexactlywhere my mind goes. There’s no point in hiding it from him. He’s been there through every panic attack, every nightmare, and every fight I’ve had when the girls have to get into a car.

He’s seen it all.

Jax offers me a soft smile, one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but I know he’s trying.

“Are you ready, love?” he asks gently.

I nod.

He leans against the counter, facing me with his arms crossed over his chest. “Are you sure you want to go? I can call Ana and—”

“No, no. It’s fine, Jax. I can’t let my fear run my life forever.”

He opens his mouth to say more, but the sudden ring of his phone cuts him off. With a tight-lipped smile, he pulls his phone from his pocket and checks the screen.

One brow lifts, clearly amused, before he presses it to his ear. “Hey, Alex. What’s up?”

The sound of his name instantly makes my cheeks burn. The memory of Jax and me accidentally walking in on one of my favorite singers making out—with another guy, no less—was enough shock for an entire decade.

A smirk tugs at the corner of Jax’s mouth before he reaches up and wipes it away. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says with a shrug, his eyes locked on mine. He pauses for a second, then chuckles. “Alright, mate. See ya.”

He shoves the phone back in his pocket and crosses his arms again like nothing happened.

My eyebrows knit together. “Is everything okay?”

He nods, wiping another smirk off his mouth. “Yeah, everything’s great. But, uh, last night?” He pauses, full-on smiling now. “We didn’t see anything.”

I lift my hands in mock surrender, smiling back. “Didn’t see a thing.”

Five minutes.

That’s all it takes for Jax to drive us to the diner. The streets were completely empty the entire way here. Not a single car. And sure, it’s early, and we’re only a few minutes from the hotel, but it still felt off nonetheless. Almost like it was intentional. But as soon as we turn into the lot, the illusion breaks.

“You’ll text me the second you’re ready?” Jax asks, almost startling me from how quiet everything was just moments ago.

I take a deep breath and hold it before slowly blowing it out.