Page 25 of Louder Than Words

Fucking stupid.

Allie slips her arm through mine, pulling me back into the present. We’re standing in the middle of the main room where the lights bounce off the walls and the music thumps through the wooden dance floor.

I laugh under my breath when I realize there’s adance floor. Suddenly, I can’t stop picturing someone trying to tango to heavy metal.

Allie’s brow furrows as she looks up at me. “What is it?”

I shake my head and nod at the floor. “Just the idea of someone waltzing to this.”

She snorts. “You’re such a weirdo.”

I grin back, scanning the room. It’s loud enough that no one’s really looking at us, but there’s still this knot in my stomach like the whole place has eyes on me. But when I actually look, everyone’s lost in their own little world.

Then my eyes land on Desmond, Ana, James, and Nora at a table, and the knot starts to loosen. The first three are already half-drunk, laughing too loudly, waving people off. And Nora’s right there with them, smiling, joining in—just not quite as loud or belligerent.

They’rehappy. They’re happy because this whole thing? It’s forourrecord. Somethingwecreated. All the tears, sweat, and literal blood we poured into this is about to pay off.Ten yearsof never feeling good enough. And now? Now we’re here.

James catches my eye across the room and lifts his glass, his grin saying what neither of us needs to put into words:We fucking did it.

I nod back and tighten my hold on Allie’s waist.

But then I realize—not everyone’s there. Someone’s missing. Someone who always seems to be missing lately.

I scan the room, and quickly spot him sitting alone at another table. At least he doesn’t look pissed off. Just… tired. Staring into his near-empty glass of scotch.

I lean down toward Allie’s ear. “Would you mind giving me a minute?”

Her eyebrows pinch together, eyes searching mine. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s perfect,” I admit, placing a kiss on her cheek.

She gives me one last look before slipping away toward the others. And the urge to follow her—to go celebrate, to forget everything for one bloody night—is huge. Almost impossible to ignore.

But I’ve known Gareth long enough. He might not want to talk right now—but hell, someone’s got to try.

I run a hand through my hair and take the biggest breath I can manage.

My feet move on their own, carrying me across the floor until I stop beside him. I slide into the empty seat, eyes fixed on him.

He laughs, shaking his head. At first I think he’s scoffing, but then I catch the start of a smile curling at the corner of his mouth, and my shoulders loosen.

“I don’t know what I was expecting, mate, but it sure as hell wasn’t this,” he admits, eyes still locked on the crowd.

“This is the dream, man. There’s no going back now,” I say, half-joking.

He turns to look at me, and whatever smirk he had is gone. “Yeah, but how the hell am I supposed to live my dream and provide for a whole-assbaby, mate?”

I shrug. “We’ll figure it out. You’re not alone in this. You know that, right?”

He chuckles, shaking his head like what I said is the most absurd thing he’s ever heard.

“You don’t get how lucky you are, Jax. You and Allie are goals. She’s not trying to hold you back. She lets you do whatever the hell you want. But imagine, just for a second, how fast everything would change if she were pregnant.” His gaze drifts across the room, landing square on Nora. “Things wouldn’t be as perfect. I can tell you that much.”

“Yeah—”

“And don’t even try to tell me things can still be perfect, mate. You should be fucking thankful you’re not in my shoes.”

I can’t ignore the way the comment stabs right into my chest. The guys have zero idea about the long conversations Allie and I have had about a baby. What we want with our lives. How we see things. The plans we’ve already made. The way everything about us justfitsperfectly. But for some reason, we don’t get to achieve it, yet.