Page 10 of Louder Than Words

My head falls against the seat, and I chuck my phone, hearing it bounce off the window and land somewhere on the floor. I don’t even care if it’s broken. At least if it is, he can’t call me anymore.

And if he shows up in Boston?

No. He’s stupid, but he’s not completely brain dead. There’s still some rational thinking buried in there—or he’d have shown up at the studio already. That information isn’t hard to find. So maybe there’s a fraction of hope he won’t actually show up.

Either way, the only thing I know for sure is that if there is a God? He completely fucked up and took the wrong person.

My mumdeservedto be here. She deserved to see her shop come to life, and see what potential I really had to give her everything she worked so hard for. To see what I could do with the things she gave me and made possible for me.

But him? Not a fucking chance in hell.

He doesn’t deserve anything but a slow, painful, lonely death.

And if that makes me a dick? So be it.

5

Allie

I know I shouldn’t stare.

But no matter how hard I try to look away, my eyes just keep snapping right back to the curve of my best friend’s growing belly.

Round. Perfect. Full of life.

There were times when I hated being the one everyone stared at. They’d watch me like I was some kind of walking, talking miracle—just because I had life growing inside me. I’d always catch their glances with their soft smiles, and I’d instantly feelexposed. Like their eyes were somehow stripping me bare, even when they were filled with nothing but kindness and curiosity.

But now? Now I’m the one who can’t look away.

Nora leans against my living room wall, her pin-straight brown hair barely brushing her shoulders as she shifts her weight. She’s pale, always has been, and somehow it makes thecurve of her already swollen belly, snug beneath her navy tank top, stand out even more. She’s barely fifteen weeks along, and boy, is she showing.

That’s the thing about third babies—they show up early and cause twice the trouble the whole nine months. Or at least, that’s what the nurses at work always say. And with two little girls already keeping Nora on her toes, I doubt this one will give her much of a break.

And God, I never thought I’d miss those nine torturous months until I knew I’d never have them again.

“Gareth must be excited, huh?” Ana asks, plopping down beside me on the couch.

Nora shrugs and pushes herself off the wall, forcing my eyes to finally shift. “He’s getting there. It’s like he forgot that having sex can actually lead to a baby,” she says, easing down into my recliner. “Things have definitely changed, and not necessarily for the better, but there’s still hope.”

“Do you think it’s because of the baby, or just the distance in general?” Ana asks, tucking her legs beneath her.

“I don’t know. But he better get over it by the time his daughter gets here,” Nora scoffs.

My eyes snap to hers, and I let out a small, disbelieving laugh. “I’m sorry,” I say, blinking. “Did you saydaughter?”

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Yeah, can you believe it? We paid for one of those early scans just to find out it’s another freaking girl. We were hoping for a boy, but…” She shrugs. “What can you do?”

Ana glances at me, sympathy swimming in her eyes. Her lips part like she’s about to snap on my behalf, but I beat her to it.

“That’s great, Nor. Congratulations,” I say, not missing the way my voice cracks, or how much my heart breaks just a little more. Then I sink deeper into the cushion, wishing it would just swallow me whole.

They both know what happened. But what I’ve kept from them is that Jax and I still want a baby. We agreed to wait until he’s done recording before we officially start trying—whenever that actually is. Still, we haven’t exactly beencareful, either.

I think we were both quietly hoping life would ignore the plan, but it hasn’t. Not yet, at least.

And then there’s Nora. Obviously I’mhappy for her. A new life is always something to celebrate. But that doesn’t stop the green-eyed monster from whispering in my ear every time she complains about the morning sickness, the swollen feet, or the exhaustion. She vents about it all, and I just smile and nod. But on the inside? I’mscreamingbecause I’d give my left leg to feel all of those things again.

“Oh, Allie,” Nora says, adjusting her position with a quiet groan. “How did mediation go with Trevor?”