Page 77 of Don't Think

I lean forward, gently slipping my hand behind his neck to pull him toward me. Cradling his head against my chest, he grips the sheets tightly and just lets me hold him.

“You’re allowed to fall apart, Jax,” I murmur softly. “You don’t have to be the big, strong guy with me. If you need to let it out, I have you.” I tighten my arms around his head, placing a soft kiss above his ear. “I have you.”

Then, his shoulders shake slightly while he wraps his arms tightly around my waist. A shuddered breath leaves his lips, and my eyes start to sting with my own tears trying to slip free.

I rock him back and forth, something my mother did for me growing up when I was upset, and something I do now for my own babies.

And I just hold him like that. I allow him the time to fall apart.

That’s all people need sometimes. To feel okay enough to fall apart with someone you trust. To not feel judged for having so many emotions you don’t know what to do with them.

For him to go through a divorce, losing his mother a few months later, and then losing the thing she loved so much, hislastreminder of her, the day his dreams were supposed to come true?

I don’t know how he’s managed to last this long without crumbling.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Jax

When I woke up this morning, I swear I felt like a whole new person.

I’ve probably said that every morning for the past week, but it’s true. I actually wake up ready for the day now instead of dragging my feet through every little thing we have to do that day. Even the shit I don’t want to do, I’m just…excited.

But the thing I’ve started looking forward to most? Is waking up with her on top of me.

Allie is sprawled out across my chest like she’s trying to hold me in place. Just like every time we’re together. It’s like she’s afraid I’m going to slip out the second I open my eyes.

What she doesn’t understand yet is… Icouldn’tleave. Even if I tried.

Not just in the mornings, or after we’ve had each other so much we’re both slick with sweat, hearts racing so erratically that I’m convinced mine’s about to burst through my chest.

I want tostaylike this. With her pressed up against me, and not just in the physical sense, although yeah, that’s a hell of a bonus. But it’s more than that now. What started as just blowing off steam… is quickly turning into something bigger—at least for me it is.

I knew it last night with the way she let me grieve—just let mebe—and I didn’t feel like I had to apologize for it.

Growing up, it was always a game of tug-of-war between my mum telling me it was okay to show my emotions, and my dad? He’d just call me a pussy and tell me to man up. So guess who I listened to? I always figured he knew what he was talking about since he was the man of the house.

Spoiler: he didn’t have a fucking clue.

And now, here I am, fully grown and still bottling everything up. Not even on purpose, really, it just happens now like second nature.

The sun hits the window just right, cutting across the bed and landing directly in Allie’s eyes before I can even think to shield her from it. But it’s too late since she’s already stirring against me.

When she turns her head, her hair brushes across my arm, and she blinks up at me, still half asleep.

“Good morning,” I murmur.

She smiles. “Good morning, yourself,” she says, her voice still thick with sleep.

It’s funny; I never thought I’d be the type to find someone’s morning voice attractive. Yet here I am, wanting nothing more than to hear her talk in that low, lazy tone of hers.

“What time is it?” she asks, lifting her head to peer around the room before giving up and lying back down.

I chuckle softly, reaching over to smooth her hair down. “Barely seven. I have an alarm set, just in case.”

“Did I wake you again?”

I shake my head, smiling. “No, not at all. Just woke up when the sun did,” I say, shrugging.