Page 104 of Don't Think

I already broke that one, but he’s not here to find out.

The creak of the door breaks the silence, sending my anxiety straight through the roof. It grips my throat tight like a vice; the thought flashes that maybe it’s Nora. Maybe she’s finally ready to talk and just couldn’t bring herself to do it over text.

“Any update?” I hear Ana call out, and then the sound of the door closing behind her.

My heart slowly falls into my stomach.

I look down and smooth out the throw blanket across my lap, as if that tiny motion might somehow settle the urge clawing inside me to grab my phone for the millionth time today.

“Nope,” I say quietly.

I shouldn’t be surprised at this point. Three whole days have passed, and not a single word from Nora. Yet I still am.

I throw my arm over the back of the couch, watching Ana step farther into the room. She pauses in the doorway and leans against the frame as her eyes sweep across the space.

“Is Jax still here?” she asks, her eyebrows furrowing slightly.

I shake my head. “No, he left about half an hour ago. They had to get ready for the studio tomorrow morning.”

She presses her lips into a tight line. “Ah. That’s right.”

Then she crosses to sinks into the cushion beside me. The second she connects to the seat, she steals my blanket like the thief she is, tugging it until it’s stretched across both of us.

She turns to me, tilting her head to the side. “I’m sorry she still hasn’t reached out, Allie. I wish I could say I’m surprised, but… I’m just not,” she says with a shrug. “You’rebothstubborn like that.”

My head drops against the back of the couch, eyes locking onto the spinning blades of the ceiling fan.

“It just sucks,” I blurt out, sharper than I mean to. “I finally feel like I can actually fall apart and not be terrified of losing the one thing I know I deserve. And I can’t even enjoy my last week with him. Instead, I’m just carrying around this… guilt.”

And then my eyes are stinging, and the tears hit—again.

Jax tried canceling with the guys because he felt guilty leaving me here with how much I keep crying, but I told him I’d text if I needed him and I’m tryingreallyhard not to need him.

I cover my face with my hands, trying to steady my breathing and swallow down the sobs already pushing through my chest.

Ana scoots closer, gently wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I’m fucking proud of you,” she murmurs.

I look up at her, blinking rapidly so I can actually see her face instead of just the blurry shape through my tears. “Why would you be proud of me right now? Don’t you see what’s happening?”

She lets out a soft laugh. “It might be shitty right now, but the second Nora mentioned a bucket list, I saw that flash of fear in your eyes.” She gestures toward my face. “But if you ask me? You checked off every single one of those boxes the moment you took a chance with Jax.”

“Yeah, but look what happened!” I choke out, the sobs already hitting in violent waves. “I lost a friend over it.”

“You’ve gotta stop focusing on the negative here, Allie,” she says gently. “Let me ask you this. Are you happy with Jax?”

I blow out a shaky breath and nod. “Unbelievably.”

“Then that should be the only thing that matters,” she says softly. “But,” she starts again, turning in her seat to face me. “You also hid it from her, Allie. She’s one of yourbest friends, and you hid your happiness from her. If I were her, I’d be upsettoo. That being said though, it gave herabsolutelyno right to say the things she did. Drunk or not.”

I look down while a wave of shame floods through me. They both have a point—fairpoints. I didn’t think about any of this when Jax and I made this decision. The only thing I was focused on was that this wasmy life, and I just didn’t want to be judged. Judged as a mother, as a nurse, or judged as a human being with morals and standards.

“I just don’t know what to do,” I choke out, dragging my hands down my face. “How am I supposed to fix this if she won’t talk to me?”

“What about suggesting some one-on-one time?” Ana suggests softly. “You guys haven’t had that all vacation.”

That was supposed to be the entire point of this vacation—the three of us hanging out, no stress, no distractions. Then Nora starts seeing Gareth, and nobody bats an eye. But when I start doing the same thing, all hell breaks loose, and I lose a friend over it.

She didn’t lie to her friends about it.