Page 129 of Under Pressure

“We always struggled. The bills were never paid on time, if ever. Our fridge was empty, and the cleaning was only done when I had the time to do it after school or late at night when shewas gone and not taking up space on the couch. I started working when I was fourteen and had to lie on my resume so the owner of Lucy’s Diner thought I was fifteen. If we had food in the fridge before then, it was what I’d managed to take from Nan’s house or could lift from the convenience store without getting caught. Our power was shut off multiple times, and I eventually learned how to use her government information to open accounts with other companies we didn’t owe money to.”

Her voice cracks, and a sense of protectiveness washes over me. With a tug, she tumbles onto my chest, just barely digging her elbow into the mattress and sinking deep, hovering above me. I reach for her leg and drape it over mine, needing her closer. She melts into me, accepting the support I’m offering.

“I’ve tried to block out the memories I have from the first eighteen years of my life. No kid should know to check for rogue needles before letting her little sister out of their bedroom so she didn’t step on one or try putting it into her mouth. I shouldn’t have had to bribe a teenager from down the street to drive me to the hardware store so that I could buy another lock to put on our bedroom door for the nights Mom let her dealer in. It still turns my stomach. All of it. And there are a million other stories that I remember at the worst times. Even when I try so hard to forget them.”

I track a tear as it drips down her cheek and into the divot above her upper lip before thumbing it away. Her breathing is shallow and strained, worrying me. But I keep my mouth shut, knowing she needs to get this out.

“I’ve never had anyone but Nan and Callie. It was never Callie’s job to take care of me, and Nan was so old and only got more tired and stressed as the years went on. Nobody—” She squeezes my hand so hard my knuckles ache, and I keep still, letting her. “You came out of nowhere, and suddenly, there was someone who didn’t need me to look out for them but instead wanted to take care ofme. It should have made me happy and relaxed. I wanted to accept what you were so willing to offer, butall it did was terrify me because I didn’t know what to do with any of it.”

“I know,” I declare, needing her to hear me. She avoids looking me in the eyes, but I don’t let her hide. She leans into the hand I press to her face and meets my gaze. “I’m so sorry, baby. I knew I needed to slow down, but I didn’t. That’s on me, not you. You don’t need to apologize for anything that happened to you. It shaped you into who you are today, and the woman I see right here on this bed is my wildest wish come true.”

Her cheeks deepen in colour. “No. I don’t . . . You’re perfect, Beck. This was all on me. I pushed you away because you got too close, and by the time I realized that, I was already in love with you.”

“I’ll accept that point, but not you blaming yourself like this. You don’t ever need to apologize for your trauma. I’m grateful that you shared all of this with me. I want you to be treated the way you deserve, and that’s all I want to do.”

“You don’t think I’m rusty now?” she chokes out.

I scrunch my brows. “What?”

“I was shiny and perfect, and now I’ve got rust spots and dents that you’ll see every time you look at me.”

The only noise she makes when I grip her hips and roll her onto my stomach is a tiny, adorable squeak. I gather her face in my hands and bring her in close, our mouths close enough to brush but not touch completely. Lids at half-mast, she watches me with blinding devotion.

“The only thing I see when I look at you is my future. And it’s bright as fuck, baby.”

Her laugh is wet as fresh tears streak down her face. I begin kissing them away until I find her lips and get lost there, getting completely off track.

Though it feels like I’m right where I need to be.

45

“We’re not goingto both fit in there. Just sit and stop arguing with me,” I scold, fighting a smile.

Even in the giant tub, Beck’s shoulders won’t go beneath the hot water unless he lets himself sink a few inches. And currently, he’s dripping water onto the floor as he keeps his hand extended for me to grab.

The smear of bubbles across his chest doesn’t do a damn thing to hide his six-pack in the water, and I find my eyes drooping to the grooves in his hips. Snapping them back up, I ignore his smug smirk and give the back of his hand a slap.

“I’m not getting in with you.”

“Please? I’m injured.”

“Which is exactly why you need to be soaking that shoulder in the hot water.”

“Soak with me. I’ll be good.”

I snort. “Yeah, okay. You’re willing to swear it?”

He visibly deflates and adjusts himself in the water. It sloshes against the sides, nearly going over the edge. His knee bends above the water, and then he leans his cheek against his bicep, watching me. The curl of his finger sends a spark of lightning to my clit.

“The bath is more than big enough for two people. I missed you, baby. Please.”

“You’re not playing fair.”

“When have I ever when it comes to you?”

I consider that for longer than I should. He’s not wrong at all.

He keeps his palm up, his eyes tracking me as I slowly take my sweater off. It falls beside the heap of his clothes on the floor. My sweatpants join them, but I keep my panties and sports bra on.