Page 127 of Under Pressure

“Because of my shit,” I mutter, as ashamed of myself now as I was then.

His hands find my cheeks, holding them in his large hands. The clarity and determination in his gaze cranks my internal temperature up a few thousand degrees. My heart flutters in my chest, reminding me of how giddy this man makes me feel.

“We need to talk. Where are you staying tonight?”

“I have no idea. My focus was on getting here,” I murmur.

“Good. No reservation to cancel, then. You’re coming back with me.”

I shiver. It’s not that I mean to react to his declaration, but I’m weak. Right now, I’m running solely on fast-diminishing adrenaline and nausea-inducing worry.

When he’s standing here holding me and saying that there’s still a place for me with him, I don’t have a chance of fighting how badly I need him. I’d sleep in this room with the watchful eyes of his teammates if it meant I got to be here with him.

I’m not leaving again unless he tells me to go.

“Okay,” I agree.

He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and brushes a knuckle along the backside of it. “You’re not going to pull a seaweed drink out of your pants, are you?”

“What?”

“Just curious if you’re finished with your grovelling yet.”

I go red, somehow more nervous than before.

The smile that parts his lips has me unbalanced. “All you needed to do was call and say you love me, Quinny.”

“You deserve more than a phone call, Beck. I’m so sorry for hurting you.” I ignore the crack in my voice. The blur in my eyes is annoying, but I work past it. I reach up and clutch his wrists. “But that isn’t to say that I don’t love you. I do. Iloveyou. More than I thought I could love anyone. In a way that terrifies me and turns me into this tiny, nervous version of myself whose first instinct is to run so I don’t wind up hurt. I saw the open-hearted, brave way that you love and imagined what would happen if that love wore out. If I sat you down and told you all about my life before you and it scared you off. I thought it would be easier to walk away before that happened, but it wasn’t. It still hurt.”

His thumbs rub beneath my eyes. I feel the dampness on my cheeks and press into his touch, my breath wavering.

“There’s so much I want to tell you, and I really hope that I’m not too late because this week has been hell. I miss you. There’s too much silence now. I don’t know how to fill it properly, so I don’t, and then I just sit and I miss you more until I’m wishing I could go numb. Maybe I should have dumped the entire drink idea and simply chased you down and demanded you give me another chance. If you hated it, then I can do something else. It was just an idea I had. You know, because you used to get all these drinks from the café, even though you hate coffee. I wanted to call back to that, and then the baseball rules?—”

“Stop, baby. You’re rambling.” He’s grinning, and I do the same, watching his dimples appear.

“Sorry.”

Shaking his head, he lowers his mouth to mine. The kiss is wet, soft, more like a curious brushing of lips. It’s so different from our last one. I sink into the warmth of it, allowing my eyes to close.

It’s everything I needed. There’s still so much to talk about, but right now, this is perfect. It’s confirmation that we’re going to be okay.

My biggest mistake was assuming that he wasn’t going to accept all of me, and I won’t make that one again. We’re going to figure this out. I won’t accept anything else.

44

Rotator cuff tendonitis.I’m lucky it didn’t tear. Roman made sure I knew that.

His verbal beatdown is already forgotten, though. I’ll feel guilty about how distracted I was during our conversation later. Right now, all of my focus is on the woman standing just inside my hotel room.

She told me shelovesme. How am I supposed to pay attention to anything besides her? I’ve never been able to do that before, and she hadn’t uttered those words at all. Now I’m fucked.

“You should lie down. I’ll get some ice and rub that cream on your shoulder so you can get some sleep. The Advil is in my bag.”

In a daze, I watch her tear through the room as if she’s already been here a million times. She’s determined to take care of me, and my heart flops around like a fish on dry land. I could tell her that I’ll be fine with the shoulder brace and cortisone shot I was given before we left the clinic. My pain is tolerable now that I’m not throwing. There’s no reason for her to be fussing so much.

I keepmy mouth shut.

“I’m serious. Lay. Down.” She jabs a finger at the bed. “You should have told me that you were in pain before. Now you’ll be missing games, and I know how much you love playing.”