Page 54 of Vow of Desire

The next time his finger flicks my clit, I finally find my release. It wracks over my entire body like a thunderstorm. For just a moment, I black out before reality hits me.

Matteo thrusts into me once more before he finds his own release. There’s a chance I could end up pregnant. I always wanted to be a mom. But will I find that I’m not good enough at that as well? I thought I’d be a perfect wife and look how that has turned out.

After kissing the back of my neck, he gently pulls out of me. I slump to the bed, catching my breath.

I hear Matteo walk away and come back a moment later before he places a wet cloth to my pussy. I gasp as he cleans me. It’s so gentle and sweet that it finally makes me cry. A huge, body wracking sob.

Matteo pulls me into his arms without hesitation. “Did I take you too hard? You told me you wanted it.”

“I did. I do.” I clutch his shirt and bury my face in his neck. “I needed it. I needed you to take my shame away.”

“What shame? What’s going on, Luciana?”

“I’m responsible,” I whisper.

He tenses. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m the reason Alexandra died.”

He pulls back and cups my face. It’s hard to see him through my tears. “I don’t understand. Is this why you were upset when I came home? Is this what you couldn’t tell me?”

“Yes. I’m the reason she’s dead and it’s killing me inside. I wanted you to take me so I could finally say I’ve done one thing right as a wife.”

The flinch on his face makes dread fill my stomach. “You only wanted me to take you to make you feel better for something youdidn’t do? I thought you wanted me to claim you because you truly wanted it.”

“I did want it. I do. I… I’m just… I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

“Why do you think you’re the reason Alexandra is dead? You hold so much pressure on your shoulders. Surely this is one time you can let some of that go.”

“Dante Zaneli.”

Matteo tenses. “What about him?”

“When I met him… I gave him Alexandra’s name as my own. I was so scared and I didn’t want to tell him who I really was. I didn’t know if he was an enemy or a friend of Gabriel’s and my father’s. Or a friend or enemy of yours. So I lied and gave him Alexandra’s name. That note confirmed it for me. It said that Alexandra wasn’t the real one and that’s why she was killed. Because Dante thinksI’mthe real Alexandra Ricci. It has to be. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

Matteo stands up and begins pacing. Without his arms around me, I feel cold. “How can you know for sure? Why would he want anything to do with you?”

“I don’t know. We only met the once. I don’t know what kind of man he is. Well… now I do. He’s evil. He killed Alexandra because she wasn’t me. It’s the only way that note makes sense. Right?”

“There could be a number of reasons he had Alexandra killed. You can’t hold onto this guilt, Luciana.” He stops as his face blanches. “Is that why you wanted me to take you from behind? I never thought you would want that and yet you begged for it. Why?”

I bow my head. “Because I felt like I didn’t deserve to be taken any other way.”

“Fuck, Luciana,” he breathes out. This time, his tone is much harsher than it was a moment ago. When we were having sex. Ican’t even call it making love. There was no love there. “If I had known, I wouldn’t have fucked you like that. You deserve to be taken in a much more respectful way if that’s what you had really wanted.”

“I needed you to take my shame from me,” I admit. “And I needed to feel bad for my part in Alexandra’s death.”

“I don’t believe there’s any sex position that is morally wrong. But you do. You wanted me to claim you from behind because you thought that’s what you deserve. You thought you deserved less. Fuck, Luciana. This is why you should have told me. You should have opened up to me. If I had known, I wouldn’t have finally claimed you. I would have waited.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as tears slip out of my eyes. “I can never do anything right. What is wrong with me? Why am I so bad at all of this?”

He sighs and sinks to his knees before me. “Look at me,” he says in a gentle tone.

I force my eyes open to do as he says.

“You are not a bad wife. I knew the moment I met you, I wanted you to be mine.”

“I was already promised to you when we met.”